


Happy Endings, the Sun, and Other Steps to Madness

by peachcitt



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: (not like. a ton of angst though), Angst with a Happy Ending, But it's okay, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Romantic Fluff, Suicide Attempt, Takes place in New York, alex and ash live together, and sometimes act like a married couple, ash is just a plain disaster, ash opens up, because of the cat, idk there's a cat we'll figure the rest out later, okumura eiji is a disaster gay photographer, plot is???, specific landmarks are made up, the cat is banana fish, they all go to university, this entire fic is mostly about a cat tho, written because i'm sad and want to be happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-09-24 14:51:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17102651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachcitt/pseuds/peachcitt
Summary: They were short on money as it was. They couldn’t really afford to have a pet. And he was much more of a dog person, anyway. But as Ash looked down at the little kitten that had saved his life, he knew he just couldn’t give it up.(in which banana fish is a hellish cat and everything is marginally less sad)((on hiatus))





	1. Rain, a Kitten, and a Red Umbrella

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy :)

Ash was standing on the edge of the Freeland Heights Bridge when it started to rain. He knew it was going to - the sky had been dark and moody all day, and the water coursing through the river below had been angry and churning long before he’d taken his place above it.

 

For a long moment, he simply stood. There on the edge of a watery life and a watery death, letting the rain prick his arms and cheeks with their bittersweet kisses, bidding him a cool farewell. He spread his arms wide, welcoming this last goodbye.

 

His mind was wondrously clear, and when he looked down at the river below, there was no fear. He took a deep breath, and he leaned forward.

  


-

  


Eiji couldn’t wait to get home. He’d spent the dreary day learning the ins and outs of a new job, and then studying for way longer than he meant to at the Freeland University library. By the time he walked out of the library, the sky had opened up and had started releasing a gentle weeping that made Eiji pause. He looked up at the gray sky, and he remembered his umbrella.

 

In the morning, he’d been running late. He’d been sprinting across the Freeland Bridge when he stumbled (quite literally) upon a cardboard box.

 

The box had toppled over and revealed a small cluster of dirty blankets and an even smaller cluster of yellow fur. It was only when the cluster of yellow fur made a pathetic mewling noise did he realize that it was alive and in fact a kitten.

 

If he’d had any more time, he would’ve stopped to pick up the cat and take care of it, but he settled for fixing the box and plopping the little yellow fuzzball into its nest. Even in the morning, the sky had looked close to crying, and so Eiji had popped open his red umbrella and propped it beside the box to protect it from the rain that would surely fall later on. He’d promised the little thing that he’d be back for it, and then he kept on running.

 

Now, at the early hours of morning when the buzz of cars and bikes and movement wasn’t so pressing, Eiji stepped onto the Freeland Heights Bridge. Because of the late hour and the quickly worsening rain, most people were off the streets. Eiji himself hurried along the bridge, and then stopped when he saw the box.

 

Because standing, right on the ledge of the bridge next to the box, was a man.

 

He had his face raised up to the weeping sky, and as Eiji watched, he lifted his arms up, as if embracing the sky’s grief. The raindrops bounced off his pale skin and yellow hair, creating a small halo around him and making him look ethereal. Angelic.

 

For a moment, Eiji stared.

 

And then he panicked, because the sight was positively beautiful and he hadn’t taken a picture of it and _this man was standing on the ledge of a bridge._

 

Eiji scrambled for his camera, shielding it from the rain with his bag (never mind that his homework was inside - he'd worry about that later) and snapping a few shots. And in those few shots, he saw the man lean forward.

 

“Ah, wait!” Eiji called, the roar of the rain drowning out his feeble voice.

 

A fear unlike any other slammed into Eiji’s chest, until.

 

Until.

 

The man paused, looking down at the box on the sidewalk, shielded by Eiji’s umbrella. Eiji held his breath, time held its breath, the universe held its breath.

 

The man climbed down from the ledge.

 

Relief flooded through Eiji, and he watched the man kneel down beside the box, heedless of the soaked concrete that pressed against the skin poking through his jeans. The man pushed his golden hair out of his face, radiant and distinct in the gray night, and leaned closer to the box, obviously curious.

 

When he turned his face a certain way, the light stumbling through the rain from the street lamps illuminated his face, and Eiji saw him, really, for the first time.

 

He was quite possibly the most beautiful man Eiji had ever seen.

 

A face of angles as sharp as if they’d been cut from marble, a soft mouth, green eyes that glimmered even in the gloom of the night. Eiji brought his camera up to his face almost as if by instinct, and he snapped a few photos of the man gently pushing the red umbrella - _his_ umbrella - to the side, his thin eyebrows furrowing as he peered into the box.

 

Eiji saw his eyes his eyes widen, and then he saw him push his hand into the box, face open and filled with powerful and unidentifiable emotion. Eiji took a picture.

 

The man picked up the umbrella, and in his other hand he picked up the wriggling yellow kitten. In his hands, the red umbrella and the yellow kitten glowed, as if just by being near him they shared his angelic beauty. As if immune to the black and gray that shrouded the night like a cloak. As if they were living in technicolor while the rest of the world was stuck in black and white.

 

Standing up straight, the man held the red umbrella over himself, protecting himself, and he clutched the little kitten tight to his chest, protecting it.

 

Through the eyes of his camera, Eiji saw the man turn to look out at the roaring river, considering it’s raging roar. And then the man looked down at the yellow furball tucked right by heart, and he walked away.

 

Eiji lowered his camera, mostly because his arms were cramping from the combined tasks of holding the camera and holding his bag  _over_ the camera, and quickly put the camera back into its protective case. He watched the retreating figure of the red umbrella, and he wondered what Ibe would say when he got home soaking wet.

  


-

  


Shorter was at the apartment when Ash got back. He didn’t live there, but that never stopped him from coming over and crashing on Ash’s couch every other night.

 

“Hey,” Shorter called from the old couch, his distinct purple mohawk greeting Ash before his face did. “Where’ve you been? Alex has been worrying his ass off.”

 

Alex poked his head out of the kitchen, scowling. “I wasn’t-” He stopped, frowning at Ash. “I _told_ you it was going to rain, and now you’re dripping all over the floor. Why didn’t you take a-” He stopped again, finally noticing the red umbrella Ash had hanging from his hand. “Where’d you get that umbrella?”

 

Ash shifted uncomfortably, adjusting his jacket a little bit.

 

“...Why do you have your hand under your jacket like that?” Alex asked, eyes narrowing and tone suspicious.

 

A tiny cry came out from Ash’s jacket.

 

“Oh, my God.” Shorter bounded off the couch and came to stand in front of Ash, eyes alight and smile wide. “Oh, my God.” Ash took a step back, swallowing.

 

“Ash,” Alex said menacingly, advancing on Ash slowly and pushing Shorter out of the way. “What are you hiding?”

 

This was not going exactly how Ash had planned. Given, Ash hadn’t _really_ come up with a plan prior to walking through the front door of his apartment, but he had figured that Alex would be asleep (he always goes to bed at 10pm every night), and if Shorter was there, that he could easily slip into his room without too many questions asked.

 

And it’s not like he really wanted to be around either of them right at this instant - not after what he just tried to. It felt dirty. It felt wrong.

 

He was guilty.

 

And even more so when he begrudgingly pulled out the tiny, mewling kitten from his jean jacket.

 

“Oh, my _God,”_ Shorter repeated, his voice reaching octaves Ash would never have expected. It was hard to tell if the “oh my Gods” were positive or negative - Ash got the feeling it was a mix of both.

 

Alex looked at the cat, and then at Ash, and then at the cat again. “We’re not keeping it.”

 

They were short on money as it was. They couldn’t _really_ afford to have a pet. And he was much more of a dog person, anyway. But as Ash looked down at the little kitten that had saved his life, he knew he just couldn’t give it up.

 

He opened his mouth. Cleared his throat. “Yes, we are.”

 

When Alex raised an eyebrow, Ash held the kitten closer to him. The little thing cried pitifully, scratching softly at Ash’s hand that easily wrapped around its tiny body.

 

“No,” Alex said, sticking his nose up into the air and crossing his arms. “We don’t have money to support another living creature. Shorter’s enough as it is.”

 

“Alex,” Shorter said, “how could you be so cruel?” It was hard to tell if this was said in regards to the kitten or himself.

 

The kitten yawned, burrowing it’s tiny head into the warmth of Ash’s hand.

 

“I’m not being cruel,” Alex said, but there was a shadow of doubt in his voice.

 

Ash just stood there, holding the cat and the umbrella, waiting.

 

“You don’t even like cats,” Alex said, uncrossing his arms. This was a sure indicator that Ash was winning. _“Neither_ of you do,” he said, looking over to Shorter, the unofficial third roommate.

 

Ash waited a little more.

 

Alex looked from Ash to the cat to Shorter, presumably looking to the latter for some sort of support, which he got none of. And then he made a small scoffing noise and shook his head, turning away. “This is ridiculous. I’m going to bed.”

 

Shorter and Ash watched Alex retreat to his bedroom, shaking his head and muttering rather unflattering things under his breath. “Does that mean we’re keeping it?” Shorter called.

 

Alex slammed the door to his room, and a moment of silence followed. And then: “I’m not cleaning its stupid litter box.”


	2. Hellcat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ash and Alex went to the vet.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Oh,” Skipper said, clicking his tongue. “There’s so many jokes I could make.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy :)

Ash woke up to needles in his mouth, and for a long moment, he wondered about what sort of nightmare he was living. And then he felt fur against his tongue, and he coughed violently, snapping bolt upright. The little kitten that had previously been fishing around his mouth flung off his face and landed in his lap, letting out a disgruntled meow.

 

Already the worst sort of person when he woke up in the mornings, Ash’s first instinct upon realizing that a cat had stuck its stupid little hands down his throat while he slept was to yell at said cat.  _ “Why would you do that?” _

 

The kitten seemed unfazed, stumbling around in Ash’s lap until finding a suitable place to stick its claws through the blanket.

 

Feeling a bit silly for yelling at a kitten, Ash picked up the little thing and got out of bed, replacing it on the sheets. “How’d you even get up here, little guy?” He’d left it sleeping in one of Alex’s old shoeboxes.

 

Of course, the cat didn’t answer, and so Ash went about getting ready for the day. Except he didn’t really feel like doing that, and so he only pulled on a semi-clean pair of pants and kept on the shirt he’d slept in. At least he was wearing jeans.

 

Alex was already at class, but Shorter was still crashed out on the couch when Ash stepped out of his bedroom. The kitten, that had somehow climbed off his bed, followed after him, stumbling over itself and swatting at his ankles.

 

“Hey,” Ash said, throwing a throw pillow at Shorter, who woke with a snort. “We have to name it.”

 

“Wha?” asked Shorter, smacking his lips and sitting up. He still had his sunglasses on, and he pushed them up, squinting at Ash. “What are you talking about?”

 

“That,” Ash said, pointing down to his feet, where the kitten was chewing on the frayed ends of his jeans. “We have to name it.”

 

Shorter rubbed at his eyes, making room for Ash to sit down. When Ash did, the kitten stabbed its little needle-claws into his jeans and climbed into Ash’s lap. Ash, having suffered through this, glared down at it and wondered if he really did need to keep this cat.

 

“Why don’t you name it?” Shorter asked as they both stared down at the little yellow ball of fuzz that had started playing with its own tail. “You’re the one that found it.”

 

“I’m bad at naming things,” Ash answered, going to pet it and only receiving a few bites and a lot of tiny scratches in return.

 

“I don’t think I’m any better,” Shorter said, detaching the kitten from Ash’s arm and getting himself a couple of scratches, too. “Maybe we should wait until Alex gets back?”

 

“Alex isn’t going to want to name it,” Ash said, but really he just didn’t want Alex to name it anything stupid. Alex’s childhood pets had all had names like ‘Spike,’ ‘Butch,’ or ‘Paws.’

 

They both stared at the kitten in silence. The kitten stared back at them.

 

“Fish,” Shorter suggested. “Because, you know, it’s ironic.”

 

“Hm.” Ash stared at it. “Maybe Banana? Because it’s yellow?”

 

“Real creative,” Shorter snorted.

 

“Yours wasn’t the epitome of creativity either, jackass,” Ash retorted, ever so lovely in the mornings.

 

“Let’s have _ it  _ decide,” Shorter said, not at all bothered by Ash’s grumpiness. “Whichever name it responds to is the one we’ll call it by.” It sounded reasonable enough. Ash nodded. “Okay. Who’s a good kitty, Fish? Is it you?”

 

The kitten didn’t react.

 

“You’re talking to it like a dog,” Ash said, though he wasn’t really sure how to address cats either. Feeling awkward, Ash pointed at the cat. “Banana,” he said.

 

The kitten still didn’t react.

“Well,  _ you’re  _ talking to it like a robot,” Shorter said. He picked up the kitten from Ash’s lap, ignoring its attempts to gnaw on his hands. “What do you want to be named, little dude? Banana or Fish?” The cat still did nothing except attempt to bite at Shorter’s hands. “Banana?” He paused. “Fish?” Still nothing. He looked at Ash. “I think we’ll have to come up with different names.”

 

“What else is there?” Ash, a person who meant what he said when he said he was bad at naming things, asked. “Banana, Fish-” The kitten mewled, wriggling out of Shorter’s hands and plopping down on his lap.

 

Shorter looked at Ash. Ash looked at Shorter. They both looked down at the cat.

 

“Banana Fish,” Shorter called. 

 

The kitten cried.

  
  


-

  
  


A kid maybe in high school stared up at Eiji, hands on hips. Eiji, nervous and new to the job, smiled. “Ah, hello. Welcome to Chang Dai.”

 

The kid ignored him, squinting and looking past him to where Nadia was at the front counter. “Hey, who’s this kid?” the kid, who was quite obviously considerably younger than Eiji, asked.

 

“New employee,” Nadia answered, not looking up from the paperwork she was going through. The kid eyed Eiji for a moment longer, and then pushed past him to go lean against the counter by Nadia. He picked up a peppermint from the little bowl there, peering over to look at what she was working on.

 

“Isn’t Shorter and Ash enough? And don’t you have a couple of other workers from the university?”

 

“They’re all fine,” Nadia said, waving her hand. “Except Shorter, the little shit, is unreliable.” She pushed the papers to the side, gesturing over to Eiji and placing her chin in her hand. “A friend recommended Eiji, and so I hired him.”

 

With two pairs of eyes looking over at him, Eiji felt a little nervous, and so all he did was smile, probably like an idiot.

 

“He doesn’t look too bright,” the kid said, not even bothering to try and lower his voice.

 

“He’s alright,” Nadia said with a shrug. “Did you want anything, Sing, or are you just here to hang out?”

 

“Me and Skip are meeting here to do some homework,” the kid, apparently named Sing, replied.

 

“Eiji,” Nadia called, addressing Eiji for the first time since Sing had come in, “go ask Kong to make a banana smoothie.”

 

“Got it,” Eiji said, hurrying to the kitchen, where the two cooks on duty were. Kong and Bones were leaning against the countertops, discussing something that sounded important. And then Eiji actually bothered to listen.

 

“Nah, bro,” Kong was saying, shaking his head vehemently. “If aliens invaded, they’d totally start an intergalactic war that we wouldn’t be prepared for. Total annihilation, man.”

 

Bones made a noise of defiance. “If aliens came, they’d be too transfixed by the strange mechanical devices we’ve managed to create that would seem archaic in the light of their technological advancements to even think about being violent. Hypnosis via lava lamps, dude.”

 

“Have you  _ seen  _ the way humans treat each other?” Kong practically yelled, throwing his hands up. “Even if the aliens didn’t initiate the war, we stupid humans would be so overwhelmed with the introduction of new things that are different from us, that we’d end up starting a war!”

 

“Dude-” Bones started, but Eiji cleared his throat.

 

Both cooks looked over, finally noticing Eiji. 

 

“Nadia said for Kong to make a banana smoothie.”

 

“Coming right up, buddy,” Kong said, giving Eiji a thumbs up.

 

Eiji smiled, not really knowing what else to say to that, and left the kitchen. Behind him, he heard Kong and Bones continue their argument.

 

When Eiji got back to the main part of the cafe, Nadia was still working on paperwork, and Sing was sitting alone in a booth, sketching something out on a piece of paper. 

 

Business was pretty slow, mostly because it was a Saturday morning and very few college students were out and about at this time, and college students were Chang Dai’s main consumers because of how close it was to the university.

 

Not really knowing what else to do, Eiji went up to Sing. Nadia seemed close with him, and so Eiji figured he was a regular there. He figured it would probably do good for Eiji to introduce himself to the regulars so that they’d feel comfortable with him around. 

 

“Hi,” Eiji said, smiling, “I am Eiji.”

 

“I know,” Sing responded without looking up.

 

Undeterred, Eiji continued. “Do you come to Chang Dai often?”

 

“Sort of,” he said with a shrug. 

 

“Not really much for conversation, huh?” Eiji asked, and Sing just shrugged. Eiji was the sort of person who knew when to make a retreat, and so he gladly bowed out of the conversation. “Just call me over if you need anything, okay?”

 

Sing gave a small grunt that Eiji assumed was in the affirmative, and so Eiji retreated to stand by Nadia. “Nice kid,” Eiji said, not entirely sarcastic, but on the line.

 

“He’s alright,” Nadia said with a shrug. “One of Shorter’s kids.”

 

The infamous Shorter. Eiji had yet to meet him, but everyone he’d met at the cafe talked about him like he was some urban legend. He’d heard countless stories about him, ranging from how he volunteered at a nearby community center for kids to how he once tried to suck yogurt up his nose on a dare and almost died.

 

“Oh,” Eiji said, assuming Nadia didn’t mean one of Shorter’s  _ actual biological  _ kids, but rather one of the kids he interacted with at the community center. Eiji had heard a lot of stories, but Shorter being a father was not one of them.

 

Nadia tossed him a rag and spray bottle, and Eiji assumed that meant she wanted him to go wipe down tables. So that’s what he did.

 

A few minutes later, the front door opened. Eiji looked up to greet the new customer. “Hello, welcome to Chang Dai,” he said to the little dark-skinned boy that looked about Sing’s age. The boy looked over at Eiji, raising a friendly eyebrow.

 

“Hello yourself,” he said, grabbing hold of his backpack straps and walking over to Eiji. “Who’re you?”

 

“I am Eiji,” Eiji said, wiping his hands on his apron and sticking out his hand for the little boy to shake. “Are you a regular?”

 

“You could say that,” the boy said, taking Eiji’s hand and giving it a firm shake. “Everyone calls me Skipper or Skip.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Skipper,” Eiji said, and Skipper smiled brightly, displaying two dimples. Eiji couldn’t help but smile back.

 

“I’m gonna go sit with Sing,” Skipper said, waving over at Sing, who gave him a slight nod. “Could you ask Kong or Bones to whip me up a strawberry milkshake?”

 

“You got it,” Eiji said, going back into the kitchen. Kong and Bones hadn’t ceased their argument over aliens.

 

“Tell me I’m right, Eiji,” Kong begged when Eiji made his presence known by clearing his throat again. “The historical systematic oppression of all living things displaying differing characteristics than what is ideal in the time period proves that the arrival of an alien race would only lead to a war.”

 

“Bullshit,” Bones quipped. “Eiji knows that our first reaction, no matter how hypocritical or ingenuine would be to reach for peace,  _ especially  _ if the alien race displayed the technology far more advanced than ours. We’d want to get in on it, bro.”

 

“How is the banana smoothie coming?” Eiji asked, completely ignoring the their argument. “And I need a strawberry milkshake.”

 

“Already made,” Kong said, pointing to two drinks sitting on the counter beside Eiji. “Since it’s Saturday, we figured Sing and Skipper would be coming, so we made them both just in case.”

 

“Thanks,” Eiji said, picking up the two drinks and trying to make a speedy exit from the kitchen.

 

“Wait!” Bones called before he could leave. “Alien war or no alien war?”

 

Knowing that they wouldn’t let him leave if he didn’t answer, Eiji thought for a moment. “No aliens at all,” he said.

 

“Well, this is a hypothetical situation, Eiji,” Kong said, crossing his arms. “There’s gotta be aliens.”

 

Eiji shook his head. “If aliens were coming to Earth, then they would see how humans live,” he explained. “If they were smart, they would move on to the next planet.”

 

Kong looked at Bones. Bones looked at Kong. “No aliens at all,” they gasped in unison, as if this was some big revelation. Eiji left the kitchen. 

 

When he got back out to the main part of the cafe, he saw a large man with a purple mohawk harassing Sing while Skipper laughed. Nadia wasn’t doing anything about it, and so Eiji walked over as if he wasn’t bothered either, setting down Sing and Skipper’s drinks.

 

“Thanks, Eiji,” Skipper said, sliding his milkshake closer to him and watching the man with the purple mohawk mess with Sing’s hair while Sing tried desperately to smooth it down.

 

“Nadia,” Sing finally yelled, slapping the man’s hand away, “tell him to stop!”

 

“Shorter,” Nadia called, sounding rather bored, “stop.”

 

“Alright, sis, but only ‘cause I was bored anyway.” The man, presumably the legendary Shorter, stood up to his full height, sticking his hands in his pockets and staring down at Eiji from behind a pair of dark sunglasses. “You must be the new kid Nadia hired to replace me,” he said, grinning.

 

Not sure if he should feel threatened, Eiji shrugged. “I do not know about that. My name is Eiji.”

 

“I’m Shorter,” he said, opting out of a handshake and giving Eiji a hardy slap on the back. “Sick accent. You from Japan?”

 

“Ah, yes,” Eiji said, a little surprised. People had commented on his accent before, but not many wanted to take the gamble and guess which part of Asia he was from. At least, the nice ones didn’t. “How did you know?”

 

“I’m just that talented,” Shorter said, wiggling his eyebrows. Sing rolled his eyes.

 

“Nadia told him,” he said, and Shorter laughed.

 

“That too.”

 

“You filling in for Ash?” Nadia asked, tossing an apron to Shorter, who caught it easily in one hand.

 

“Yeah. Him and Alex went to the vet.”

 

“Oh,” Skipper said, clicking his tongue. “There’s so many jokes I could make.”

 

“I know, right?” Shorter asked, grinning down at him. “But yeah, they went to the vet because Ash spontaneously decided to adopt a kitten.”

 

Nadia snorted. “How did Alex react?”

 

“He made a fuss last night, but when he came back from classes this morning, he had bought a cat bed and insisted on going to the vet.”

 

Judging by the reactions of the boys sitting at the table and Nadia, Eiji guessed this was typical behavior for this Alex person.

 

After that, Nadia (literally) pushed Shorter into working, and so he and Eiji wiped down tables and swept the floors until the mid-afternoon rush. By then, Sing and Skipper had left, and so Shorter found other ways to entertain himself. Namely, by pestering Eiji.

 

“So,” Shorter said, bumping into Eiji on his way to the kitchen to deliver an order to Kong and Bones. “What brings you to the States?”

 

“Internship,” Eiji answered, inwardly chanting the order so that he wouldn’t forget. Nadia wouldn’t give him a notepad to write anything down. 

 

“Sounds interesting,” Shorter said, and then he was called away to another table.

 

On Eiji’s way back from the kitchen, Shorter appeared beside him again, grabbing one of the plates from his hands so that he had an excuse to stay next to him. “So what are you doing after you get off? I say we go over to Ash and Alex’s.”

 

“I have never met them before,” Eiji said, not knowing the best way to turn Shorter down. He was like an overactive puppy, and Eiji was deathly afraid of hurting his feelings.

 

“Good point,” Shorter said, nodding seriously. “Then we go bowling and you meet Ash and Alex,  _ and then  _ we go over to their place.”

 

“Ah, maybe,” Eiji said, placing down the plates in front of the customers and smiling at them. Shorter did the same, grinning widely.

 

“I’ll call them right now,” Shorter said, already taking out his phone.

 

“But we are in the middle of-”

 

Shorter didn’t seem to be listening, his phone already pressed to his ear. “Hey, Alex, so I have this amazing idea- why are you already saying no? You haven’t even heard what the idea was yet. You know what? Pass the phone to Ash. Maybe he won’t be so rude.” There was a pause. “Hey, Ash, so I have this amazing idea-” Shorter stopped, taking the phone away and staring down at it. “Bastard hung up on me,” he laughed, stuffing the phone back in his pocket. “Maybe next time, Eiji, huh?”

 

“Right,” Eiji said, silently thanking the unknown figures of Ash and Alex. “Next time.”

  
  


-

  
  


“Hey, jerks,” Shorter greeted, slamming open the front door of the apartment like he lived there. “How was your vet appointment?”

 

“Stop calling it  _ our  _ vet appointment. It was Banana Fish’s,” Alex said, like the killjoy he is. “We’ve found out that Banana Fish is a girl and that she has a cold.”

 

“A cold?” Shorter asked, plopping down on the couch next to Ash, who had Banana Fish in his lap. The disturbance that Shorter caused made the little kitten yowl threateningly, digging her needle-like claws into Ash’s jeans.

 

Ash winced, plucking Banana Fish off him and enduring her wriggling and scratching about with a glare. “Yes, a cold. And she deserves it.”

 

“For what?” Shorter asked, reaching out to pet the little demon and yelping when she lashed out viciously. “Nevermind.”

 

“The vet said she should get over it in about a week,” Alex said, leaning away as Ash released Banana Fish from his grasp. The kitten scrambled off the couch, only to go to their coffee table and plunge her claws into the wood. “We just have to give her the medication.”

 

“Medication like what?” Shorter asked. “Like pills?”

 

“Yeah,” Ash responded, hating that the little demon wreaked havoc on their poor coffee table, but not exactly feeling brave enough to stop her. “In her food.”

 

The three of them watched as Banana Fish peeled entire shavings of wood off the coffee table, powerless to stop her. Eventually, she got bored, wandering away to Ash’s room. He hoped she wouldn’t destroy anything else.

 

“How did she treat the vet?” Shorter asked after a long moment of silence.

 

“The vet called her ‘feisty.’ He had a bunch of scratches on his arms, so we know what that means,” Alex said. He sighed, getting up and brushing off his jeans. “It’s getting late. I’m heading to bed.”

 

“Before that,” Shorter said, “I would just like to remind you of how awful you two are. I called you with a legitimate fun idea, and you  _ both-” _

 

“Goodnight, Shorter,” Alex called, slamming the door to his room.

 

“You guys are so mean to me.”

 

Ash wasn’t really in the mood for it, but he decided to entertain him. “What was your fun idea?” he asked, but he couldn’t really put any effort into sounding interested. Shorter didn’t seem to mind.

 

“Well,” he started, perking up and pushing up his sunglasses, “Nadia hired this new kid to replace me - real nice guy - and I wanted to hang out with him with everyone. I figured you and Alex would like him.”

 

“Maybe next time,” Ash said, standing up from the couch and shrugging. He wasn’t really interested in making new friends with nice kids or otherwise. “You leaving, or are you gonna stay the night?”

 

Shorter shrugged. “Will you kick me out if I stay again?”

 

“When have we ever kicked you out?” Ash replied, shaking his head. “Goodnight, Shorter.”

 

“Night, Ash.”

 

Retreating into his bedroom, Ash found that his hellcat had tipped over his trash can and was making a general mess with all the trash. Ash scowled, picking up the trash and throwing it back into the bin, and then kneeled down in front of the cat. He glared at her, and she looked like she was glaring at him back.

 

“I didn’t jump off a bridge for you, you piece of shit,” Ash said, pointing an accusatory finger at Banana Fish. “Show some respect.”

 

She bit his finger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we have banana fish, the hellcat
> 
> it's a bit late where i am/when i am posting this, and so i'm afraid my rambling will be a bit shorter than usual,, and yes i did make sing and skipper friends because it's what they deserve. next chap will be The Fateful Meeting, so there's that
> 
> thanks for reading ily


	3. The Fateful Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As he left the kitchen, he heard Bones ask, “You know Eiji?” 
> 
> “Eiji,” the man said, low and quiet, as if tasting the name and seeing how it felt.
> 
> or
> 
> they meet (for real)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy :)

It had been a week since Ash had found the godforsaken kitten, and he was starting to wonder if he’d made a mistake in postponing his meet with death for this cat without an ounce of love in its tiny yellow body.

 

Her cold had subsided thanks to the (expensive) medication, and she was fiercer than ever. She had utterly destroyed minimum ten toilet paper rolls, Ash’s earbuds, Alex’s earbuds, and Shorter’s earbuds, and she’d taken to tearing holes in Ash’s already raggedy shirts when she climbed onto his back or shoulders. Not that he let her climb onto his back or shoulders. She just did it anyway.

 

He hadn’t been going to his classes, and he hadn’t been going to work. But that wasn't new. He’d stopped going to both about a week before he ended up on the ledge of a bridge. What was new was that he was being terrorized by a tiny yellow demon who had a penchant for aiming for the jugular.

 

It was a golden Saturday morning when Alex burst into his room at 7:30am and threw open the curtains and flipped on the lights. Banana Fish, who’d been sleeping  _ on  _ Ash’s face, got up and pressed all her weight into the one paw that was over his eyeball.

 

The combination of these two things made Ash wake up rather rudely, and the first words that came out of his mouth on that fateful morning were: “What the  _ fuck?” _

 

“Rise and shine, Ash,” Alex said, picking up Banana Fish and tossing her rather unceremoniously to the end of the bed to avoid holding her for too long. “You’re going to work.”

 

Ash groaned loudly, pulling the blankets up over his head. Alex ripped them away. Ash kicked him.

 

“That  _ hurt,”  _ Alex said, throwing the blankets on the floor and putting his hands on his hips.

 

“Good,” Ash snarled.

 

Alex sighed. “Look, I know you’ve been… having some rough times lately.” Ash turned away from him, facing the disgustingly bright window in favor of a conversation he didn't want to have. “But you’ve neglected school, your job, your  _ life.  _ I’m tired of being the only one paying for groceries.”

 

Guilt poured over Ash’s body, but that didn’t make him stop pouting. In fact, it only worsened the situation.

 

“And I’m tired of seeing you down in the dumps,” Alex said a little quieter. “I don’t know what’s happening, or what you’re thinking, and I’m scared for you, man.”

 

Well. 

 

This was a new turn of events.

 

“I’m your best friend, Ash. I just want you to be happy, and I think that starts with you getting out of bed.”

 

They weren’t the type of friends that talked about feelings, and this caring sort of confession made Ash feel… 

 

Well, it made him feel.

 

He sat up, still facing the window, and hung his head. “I’ll go,” he finally said, and he heard Alex breathe a sigh of relief.

 

“I made breakfast,” Alex said, his voice considerably lighter. “I have to go to school, and work after that, but I’ll see if I can get a bit of time to eat with you and the gang for dinner.”

 

Ash heard his retreating footsteps, and he turned, suddenly desperate to explain himself and why he had been this way for so long. “Alex-”

 

Alex turned, but he looked so light, so happy, that Ash couldn’t. He couldn’t get the words out of his mouth. He looked down at his lap.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said, instead of everything else he wanted to say, everything else he needed to say.

 

“Thanks,” Alex said, smiling gently. “See you for dinner, okay?” Ash nodded. He left.

 

Banana Fish pounced on Ash’s knee, and he grabbed her, bringing her up to his face and scowling at her. “Bad cat,” he said.

 

She scratched his mouth.

  
  


-

  
  


“Eiji,” Kong greeted as Eiji walked into the service entrance of the cafe. Bones was already there, and Eiji had become so used to walking in on their weird conversations in the past week, that he didn’t even raise an eyebrow when Kong asked “could a ghost date a living person successfully?”

 

“Yes,” Eiji replied without hesitation. “If both parties were comfortable with that arrangement.”

 

Kong groaned loudly, and Bones cheered.

 

“But,  _ Eiji,”  _ Kong begged, taking him by the shoulders and shaking him. “No touching. Talking is iffy. Where’s the  _ romance?” _

 

“Not every relationship needs to be fulfilling with touch,” Eiji said, ducking out of Kong’s grasp and grabbing an apron off the hook. “And like I said before, if both people are fine with it, then what’s the problem?”

 

“Boom!” Bones shouted, punching Kong’s gigantic arm with his tiny fist. “I win.”

 

For some reason, Eiji had become the deciding factor in their arguments. Whatever Eiji answered, it was accepted as fact. He wasn’t really sure why they worshiped his opinion so much, and he wasn’t really sure whether or not it was a good thing he could answer their odd questions without hesitation after only a week.

 

Just as he was about to go out to the dining area, the service door opened behind him. Eiji turned, expecting Shorter and one of his bear hugs. He was already lifting his arms in preparation when he saw that it was  _ not  _ Shorter, and he probably looked like an idiot. Dropping his arms, Eiji looked upon this new person that looked rather familiar.

 

He was considerably taller than Eiji, and his hair was a mess. These were the first two things that Eiji noticed, and the third thing was that he had a thin scratch over his mouth, which was unfairly beautiful in shape. He was probably the most attractive American Eiji had ever seen, except for-

 

“Ah!” Eiji exclaimed, pointing at the stranger who wasn’t exactly a stranger. “It’s you!”

 

The beautiful man from the bridge gave him a hard look of confusion and something that probably should’ve felt dangerous, but Eiji didn’t really feel in danger. “Me?” he asked, his voice low and husky and also unfairly beautiful.

 

“Yes,” Eiji said, nodding enthusiastically, “you, from the-” He stopped, realizing that the first and only other time he’d seen the beautiful man was on a bridge about to jump, and maybe this man hadn’t told the people he knew about that particular experience. “From that time,” Eiji fixed, dropping his hand and scratching the back of his neck.

 

Frowning at him, the man stepped past him and shook his head. “I think you have the wrong person.”

 

“I’m sure I don’t,” Eiji said. Those pictures he’d taken on the bridge last week were probably the best he’d ever taken, and he’d spent a ridiculous amount of time staring at them since. He hadn’t shown them to Ibe because he was quite content in having those frozen seconds stay his for just a bit longer, and he felt a little guilty about spying on such a fragile, beautiful moment. Of course he’d remember the face of the man who had caused his morality to slip for a hot second. 

 

The man turned around and squinted at him, as if trying to place Eiji somewhere. 

 

“We can talk about it later, I think,” Eiji said, patting the man’s shoulder lightly and walking past him. “I have to get to work.”

 

As he left the kitchen, he heard Bones ask, “You know Eiji?” 

 

“Eiji,” the man said, low and quiet, as if tasting the name and seeing how it felt. Eiji ducked his head, wondering why his heart skipped a beat.

  
  


-

  
  


Ash spent the morning of his first shift back to work wondering who in the hell Eiji was. Everyone acted as if he’d been working there for years - even Sing was all friendly with him. That is, as friendly as Sing could be to anyone who wasn’t Skip. 

 

When Skip was returning from the bathroom, Ash intercepted him, grabbing his shoulder and leaning down so that he was face-level. “What do you know about him?” he asked, jerking his over to Eiji, who was taking the order of a group of tired-looking girls still wearing their party clothes from the night before. He was casual as ever, although it seemed quite obvious that the girls were flirting with him.

 

“Who, Eiji?” Skip asked, louder than Ash would’ve liked. But Eiji didn’t seem to notice, so Ash supposed it was okay. He nodded. “Well,” Skip said, thinking, “he started working here around a week ago. He’s really nice to everyone, and he ends Kong and Bones’s arguments. He’s pretty funny, too.” Ash narrowed his eyes, looking back over to Eiji. He seemed to be wrapping up the order for the girls, and they all laughed at something he said. “Why?” Skip asked, making Ash turn back to him.

 

“No reason - go finish your homework.” 

 

Skip shrugged, walking back to the table he was sharing with Sing. Eiji walked away from the table of party girls and smiled at Ash on his way to the kitchen. Ash stared after him.

 

“I think Ash is in  _ looooove,”  _ he heard Skip say, and Ash whirled around to see Sing snickering at his expense.

 

“Am not!”

 

“Are too,” Skip shot back.

 

“Shut up,” Ash said, like the genius he was, and stalked over to clean off an empty table. It’s not like he thought this new mysterious person was particularly attractive, with his sweet smile, midnight black hair, small nose, and soft face. He was just curious as to how Eiji had claimed to know him when Ash was fairly certain that they’d never met before. He was sure he’d remember if they had.

 

He watched Eiji come back out of the kitchen holding a tray full of drinks, returning to the table full of girls and smiling sweetly at them. 

 

Yes, he was sure he’d remember.

  
  


-

  
  


The guy from the bridge kept on staring at him. Not that Eiji minded that much, but it was kind of strange. He wondered if the guy had actually seen him that night on the bridge, or something like that. 

 

When Eiji went on break, he went to the kitchen to relax. Bones pulled him aside almost immediately, looking at him as if he was about to die. “Why is Ash mad at you?”

 

“Ash?” Eiji asked, because he didn’t really know who that was. Except the perfect looking man came into the kitchen for a moment to relay an order to Kong, and Bones froze up. The guy glanced over at Eiji, and then turned around to leave. “Ah, his name is Ash.”

 

The name was familiar. It took a moment for the name to click with a memory, and then he remembered. Ash was the name of one of Shorter’s best friends that he was always ranting and raving about. He couldn’t really believe it was the same guy - this Ash didn’t look at all like he took part in the crazy stories Shorter placed him in. This Ash looked like… someone very serious, not at all the type to cover a car with sticky notes that had profanities written on them.

 

“So?” Bones asked, looking over his shoulder to see if Ash had magically appeared behind him. “Why is Ash mad at you?”   
  


“I do not think he is mad,” Eiji said, wondering what the fuss was about.

 

“Are you kidding?” Kong called from across the kitchen, “he’s been glaring at you, like, all morning.”

 

“That is not glaring,” Eiji said, because it wasn’t. Ash’s staring wasn’t angry in any way, it just felt curious. Which was understandable.

 

“Dude,” Bones said, shaking his head. “You’re fearless.”

 

“I do not get it.”

  
  


-

  
  


Alex and Shorter showed up at the same time, and it was at exactly the same time Ash’s shift ended. Just in time for dinner.

 

“Hey,” Ash greeted when Shorter came barreling through the back entrance, arms wide open. Ash was expecting to be the recipient of the hug, but Shorter passed him entirely. Ash turned around, a little bit hurt, only to find that Shorter had wrapped his arms around Eiji, and Eiji was hugging him back, laughing a little. Ash was more than a little bit hurt. “What the fuck?”

 

Shorter turned around, detaching from Eiji, except his arm was still slung around Eiji’s shoulders. “Oh, hey, Ash,” Shorter said, pushing up his sunglasses and grinning. “Didn’t see you there.”

 

Alex came to stand beside Ash, shaking his head. “He said he was going to make you jealous.”

 

“That’s ridiculous,” Ash scoffed.

 

“Did it work?” Shorter asked, still hanging off of Eiji.

 

Ash scowled. Shorter laughed.

 

“You remember about a week ago when I so graciously tried to invite you guys to have a fun night with me and a new, cute worker that Nadia hired?” Shorter asked.

 

“No,” Alex responded instantaneously.

 

“Well, this is him!” Shorter said, ignoring Alex and gesturing to Eiji who smiled and waved at them. “His name is Eiji Okumura, and he’s better than both of you.”

 

“Nice to meet you,” Eiji said, revealing a slight accent as he bowed his head. “My name is Eiji, and I think Shorter is being over dramatic.” He had a light, airy voice. Ash didn’t know why he noticed that.

 

“I’m Alex,” Alex said when Ash didn’t say anything. “And that’s Ash.”

 

“And I’m Shorter,” Shorter said, which was completely unnecessary. “Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I propose that we go out to eat.”

 

They went out to a buffet place that satisfied three of the four boys’ needs to eat way too much for the low, low price of cheap. Eiji only got two plates, and then seemed to be full and watched the rest of them gorge themselves on bad, not ethnically accurate buffet food. This situation allowed for many questions to be thrown Eiji’s direction.

 

“You said you’re here on an internship,” Shorter said between mouthfuls of suspicious looking lo mein. “What’s that like?”

 

“It is fun,” Eiji said, taking a sip from his water. He was the healthiest one at the table, that was for sure. “My mentor, Ibe, has already taught me so much. And America is very… different from Japan.”

 

“I’m not surprised,” Alex said, picking up his seventh slice of pizza. “What sort of things do you do here? Like what is it that you’re interning for?”

 

“Oh, Ibe is a professional photographer,” Eiji said, watching in sick fascination as Shorter ate. “For magazines and newspapers.”

 

“So you want to be a photographer?” Ash asked, pushing his plate away from him. He didn’t want to seem like a slob, not that it was hard to not look like one next to Shorter.

 

“I am… not quite sure about that,” Eiji said with a shrug. He looked rather uncomfortable with the question, and Ash wondered why he was the one that ended up asking the difficult thing. “But it is very nice.”

 

He smiled at Ash, and Ash found his lips curling up in return. He looked down at his finished plate, wondering what the heck was going on.

 

When everyone had finished, they gathered outside in the light chill. “Want to come over?” Shorter asked Eiji, no doubt meaning to Ash and Alex’s place.

 

“I can not,” Eiji said, shaking his head and looking actually sort of sad about the fact. “Ibe and I are going out tomorrow morning.”

 

“I’ll walk you home,” Ash said before he could think, and Alex and Shorter stared at him in surprise. If he wasn’t himself, he was quite sure he’d also be looking at him in surprise.

 

“Okay,” Eiji said, very simply, and Ash, Shorter, and Alex looked over at him in bigger surprise. 

 

“Wow,” Shorter said under his breath, and Alex elbowed him in the ribs.

 

“See you when you get back, Ash,” Alex said, dragging Shorter along with him despite his protests. “It was nice to meet you, Eiji.”

 

“Same to you,” Eiji said, waving them goodbye as they walked off. When they were gone for good, Eiji turned to Ash, tucking his hands in his pockets and smiling. “I’m glad you offered. I am not sure I could make it on Google Maps alone.”

 

It was a good-natured, not awkward thing to say, but Ash still found himself panicking. He didn’t know what he was doing, so he settled for keeping a straight face and clearing his throat. “What was the address?”

 

Eiji pulled out his phone and searched through it for a second, and then he rattled of the address. Ash frowned.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“I think so,” Eiji looked up, completely genuine. “Why?”

 

“No reason.” If Eiji claimed to be staying at Ash’s brother’s house, then such could be debunked when they arrived. 

 

He started walking, and Eiji followed after him, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. They walked in silence for a while, until they could see the Freeland Heights bridge looming in the near distance. It wasn’t a particularly menacing bridge, but Ash had started to think of it differently as of late.

 

“Are you not curious about why I said that I knew you?” Eiji asked, and Ash looked over at him. He was, but he didn’t want to admit that. Would if they had met before, and Ash for some reason didn’t remember? It would be embarrassing, and also Ash would kick himself over it for the rest of eternity. Eiji spoke up when Ash didn’t say anything. “How’s the cat?”

 

“What?” Ash stopped. They had just reached the edge of the bridge, and Eiji turned around, looking over at Ash with an open, innocent expression.

 

“I was curious about its well being,” Eiji said, as if this wasn’t one of the freakiest things Ash had ever experienced. He started walking again, and Ash had no choice but to follow.

 

“How do you know I have a cat?” Ash asked, suspicious and ready to fight this frail looking boy if he needed to. First he claimed to be living  _ in  _ his brother’s home, and now he knew about Ash’s cat, which no one knew about except for Alex and Shorter, and maybe Nadia. There was no reason this guy should know about it, unless he was dangerous.

 

They reached the center of the bridge, and Eiji stopped, placing a hand on the ledge and gazing down at the calm river below. “I saw it here, about a week ago. I didn’t have time to stop, so I came back later.”

 

Ash watched him look back at him, all warmth and sun in the yellow street lamps despite the chill of the night.

 

“I saw you here, too.”

 

Oh.

 

Oh,  _ fuck. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does that count as a cliffhanger
> 
> anyway
> 
> i feel like i should mention that this particular fic was a rather impulsive decision of mine, not like bone tea (my ml fic - is there an over lapping audience? hello?) where i had 10 chapters pre-written before i even thought about posting it,, so im writing this on a weekly basis, and it's been okay so far because ive been on break from school. HOWEVER school starts up again next week for me, and i know i'll probably end up getting a lot busier. so please forgive me in advance if the chapters get shorter/have typos/get uploaded closer to sunday rather than friday - i'll try my best to keep to my schedule for the sake of myself and you lovelies, though!
> 
> im glad all of you love banana fish - she's my inspiration for this fic,, if you have any asshole cat stories to share please do so because i think asshole cat stories are hilarious and also mayhaps i need inspo for bf's thrilling character
> 
> also - as always, please come scream/rant/cry with me/at me on my twitter @wkwrdnrtrtl or my newly revived tumblrs(!): @awkwardnarturtle or @pessimistic-writer 
> 
> wish me luck on returning to school! i have a feeling i'm going to need it,,, ahhah


	4. Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you want yours in a bowl or a cone?” Eiji asked.
> 
> “I don’t want any.”
> 
> “Two orders of the type that comes in a cone,” he said, turning back to the bored teenager. 
> 
> or
> 
> ash is stubborn, but eiji is even more so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy :)

Eiji watched the realization dawn on Ash’s face, his suspicious expression quickly morphing into something Eiji could only describe as fight or flight. He looked as though he was caught somewhere between the two responses, frozen even as he glared, his body tense.

 

“Do not worry,” Eiji said, holding his hands up and leaning against the rail of the bridge. “I will not tell anyone that you were here to-”

 

“What’s your point?” Ash interrupted, fists clenching.

 

“There is no point,” Eiji said with a shrug. “I thought it was unfair to you that I had intruded on an intimate moment.” He didn’t mention the pictures just yet. Those were his own shame, and he figured he’d tell Ash when he didn’t look so much like he was ready to swing his fists. “I also wanted to see if both you and the cat were okay.”

 

Ash seemed to consider the situation. He looked around at the night, at the sky devoid of stars hidden by the light pollution and the midnight blue clouds that drifted aimlessly. He looked down at the river, calm and gurgling, and then he looked over at Eiji again. His shoulders relaxed, and his fists relaxed. “The cat is okay.”

 

“And you?” Eiji asked when Ash didn’t elaborate. “Are you okay?”

 

Instead of replying, Ash leaned against the bridge wall, crossing his arms on the ledge he’d stood on a week previously and resting his head on his arms. Eiji turned and mimicked Ash’s posture so that they were face-level, and he turned his face so that he could see Ash’s profile, so very beautiful with his sharp nose and thin lips and long eyelashes. Ash didn’t look at him back.

 

“Can I ask why you were on this ledge?” Eiji asked.

 

“No,” Ash replied, still not looking at Eiji.

 

“Okay,” Eiji said, because he understood. He wasn’t expecting Ash to spill his guts so soon after meeting Eiji, no matter what the circumstances were. He didn’t really seem like the type. “Does anyone else other than me know?”

 

“No,” Ash said again, tucking his face deeper into his arms.

 

“I will not tell anyone.”

 

“You already said that.”

 

“Yes, but I want you to understand.”

 

Ash lifted his face, finally making eye contact with Eiji. His eyes were a brilliant green, emeralds in the golden light of the streetlamps. Back when Eiji had first seen him, in the rain when all light had been drowned underneath the waves and waves of gray, he’d been the brightest thing on earth. Now, when the city was alive with neon and white lights, he still managed to take the breath away from all the brightness. He was the most saturated thing Eiji could see.

 

“Was that your umbrella?” he asked, startling Eiji out of his thoughts.

 

He’d practically forgotten. “Ah, yes. It was.”

 

“I still have it.”

 

“I have another, so it’s okay if you keep it.”

 

Eye contact with him was intense, like taking a test that didn’t have any questions or answers. Like being analyzed for every breath and blink.

 

It was Eiji’s turn to look away.

 

“That day, I took pictures.” He glanced over at Ash, but the intense look hadn’t changed. He didn’t seem surprised or angry, but it was hard to tell what storm could be raging behind his eyes. “Of you and the cat.”

 

“Why?” Ash asked, firm but soft at the same time. It was enough to make Eiji look back at him, holding his intense gaze with his own guilty one.

 

“You were beautiful.”

 

It was such a simple answer. It was the only answer Eiji knew.

 

“I can get rid of them, if you would prefer,” Eiji continued, watching the way Ash’s face had changed ever so subtly. “No one besides me knows that they exist, so it would not be difficult-”

 

“Keep them,” Ash said, tucking his face back into his arms and looking down at the river. “It’s okay.”

 

Eiji blinked. “You are sure?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Frowning, Eiji stood up straight, pushing himself off the wall and stretching out his arms. “I will show you the pictures later. And then you will decide.”

 

Ash looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. “But I’ve already said it was okay.”

 

“It is much easier to say okay when you do not know what it is you are saying okay to,” Eiji replied, looking down at his watch on his wrist and sighing. “Do you know of a good place to get ice cream?”

 

A beat of silence. “What?”

 

“I want to get some ice cream,” Eiji said, and Ash stood up straight, shaking his head in confusion at him. “Did I say it wrong?” Eiji asked, trying to maneuver the English language in his head to figure out if he’d used the correct term. Perhaps he’d accidentally said the words for that other cold treat. What was it? The fruity ones that were more ice than cream. Fruity ice treats. On sticks.  _ What _ was the name?

 

“No,” Ash said, shaking his head, “you said it right.”

 

“Oh, good,” Eiji said, relaxing. He’d remember the other word later, or perhaps he could ask Ash. “Then let us go get ice cream.”

  
  


-

  
  


Ash felt dumbfounded, which wasn’t a common feeling for him. His range of emotions normally stayed within the bounds of annoyance and boredom, with the occasional dread and disgust. This was new, and he wasn’t sure if he was okay with it.

 

“I don’t understand,” he said, overwhelmed with this new feeling. He was normally exceptionally good at understanding most everything.

 

Eiji twisted his lips to the side, seeming to think very hard. “I want to get the ice desert,” he said after a moment. “But not the fruity kind that comes on the stick. The one in the” - he started gesturing out the shape of an ice cream cone - “waffle thing.” He seemed quite distressed for some reason, and Ash hurried to console him (although he wasn’t quite sure why he cared).

 

“No, I get that you want ice cream, but…”  _ Why now, of all times?  _ “You said you couldn’t hang out because of your thing tomorrow.” 

 

“Yes,” Eiji said, waving his hand. “But I want ice cream now.”

 

_ We were just talking about the picture evidence of my almost-death.  _

 

“Will you not come with me?” Eiji asked, tilting his head to the side and furrowing his thick eyebrows. He was the perfect picture of innocence. Ash found it hard to say no.

 

So he didn’t.

 

He just said: “It’s cold. Why would you want ice cream?”

 

But he started walking again, towards the ice cream shop that was just outside of his brother’s neighborhood. Eiji followed after him, walking a bit faster so that he could stay side by side with Ash.

 

“It is not too cold,” he said. Ash slowed down so Eiji wouldn’t have to walk so fast.

 

“Still.”

 

They were both silent for a moment, and then Eiji looked over at him curiously. “Are we going to get ice cream?”

 

Ash narrowed his eyes at him, and then looked back forward. “Yes.”

 

“Wonderful,” Eiji said, actually sounding very pleased.

 

It didn’t take too long to get to the ice cream shop that Ash had in mind - a sugary pink-colored place called Sweet Cream - and he wasn’t at all surprised to see that the place was empty. It wasn’t exactly very cold, but it was definitely cold enough for people to prefer hot chocolate instead of a frozen treat. Eiji pushed the door open without hesitation, though, and Ash followed after him.

 

The only person there was a rather bored looking teenager behind the counter, long hair pulled back into a floppy bun sticking out from behind his Sweet Cream cap. He had his elbows on the counter by the cash register, and all of his attention was focused on the phone in his hand.

 

“Hello,” Eiji said cheerily. The teenager barely spared them a glance.

 

“Welcome to Sweet Cream,” he droned in a dead monotone. 

 

Eiji seemed undeterred, walking up to the register and staring up at the menu hanging up on the wall. He turned to Ash after a moment, pointing up at the menu. “Do you want yours in a bowl or a cone?” he asked.

 

“I don’t want any.”

 

“Two orders of the type that comes in a cone,” Eiji said, turning back to the bored teenager. Ash clicked his tongue. The bored teenager sighed laboriously.

 

“One, two, or three scoops?”

 

Eiji looked back to Ash for his input, and when Ash didn’t give any, he turned back to the teen. “Three scoops,” he said.

 

“What flavor?” 

 

“What flavors are available?” 

 

The teen gestured a hand over to the the ice cream tubs behind the glass barrier, all labeled neatly with colorful titles. He glanced up at Ash, and the two of them seemed to share a moment of kindred annoyance, and then the teen returned his focus to his phone with renewed vigor.

 

“Oh, there is so many,” Eiji commented, hands pressed onto the glass barrier as if that would make him see through it better. “What kind would you like, Ash?”

 

Ash glanced at the selection of ice cream, and then looked back to Eiji. “I don’t want any.”

 

“Hm,” Eiji hummed, looking closer at the selection and seeming to ignore Ash for the third time. He nodded decisively, walking back over to the teen at the register. “For the first one, I would like Singing Strawberry, Very Vanilla-blueberry, and Crazy Cookie Dough.” The teen sighed, slamming his phone down on the counter and walking behind the glass barrier, plucking a cone off the ones they had and annoyedly putting the ice cream together.

 

“For the second one?” he asked when he’d finished the first and had handed it to Eiji.

 

Eiji examined the different flavors again, and then nodded. “Magic Mint-chocolate Chip, another Very-Vanilla Blueberry, and Breathtaking Butterscotch.”

 

Ash considered the miracle of Eiji saying all of these ice cream flavors seriously, without a hint of humor. 

 

When it was time to pay, Eiji pushed the ice cream cones into Ash’s hands and pulled out his wallet, giving the teen the appropriate amount of money and then guiding Ash to sit at one of the little tables tucked in the corner of the shop. For a moment, the teen stayed at the counter, and then when he saw that Eiji and Ash were staying, he rolled his eyes and disappeared into the back. 

 

A-plus customer service.

 

“Which one do you want?” Eiji asked, referring to the ice cream cones that Ash was still holding.

 

“I don’t want any,” Ash said, for the third time.

 

“I think I’ll have the one with the cookie dough,” Eiji said, taking it from Ash’s hand. He couldn’t help but notice that Eiji was careful not to brush his hand with Ash’s. “Tell me how the butterscotch tastes.”

 

“I don’t-”

 

“You are very hard to comfort,” Eiji interrupted, licking into the cookie dough scoop and immediately getting it all over his mouth and cheeks. “Do you know that?”

 

“I don’t need comfort,” Ash snapped. The ice cream had started melting onto his hand.

 

“You should eat that before it gets more messy,” Eiji suggested, and Ash scowled. 

 

“I don’t want any,” Ash said, for the fourth time.

 

“You will have me waste precious money?” Eiji asked, raising an eyebrow. “I am a college student, too, you know.” He had moved on to the vanilla-blueberry flavor.

 

“I never asked you to spend your money.”

 

“Fine,” Eiji said with a shrug. “Then sit there and have it melt on you while I enjoy myself.”

 

Ash sat there for a moment, doing exactly that. Eiji seemed unbothered, continuing to eat his ice cream as if it was his mission. Ash’s own ice cream made its way onto his hands in trails of sticky sugar. 

 

It was unbearable.

 

He grabbed a napkin from the dispenser and vigorously wiped down his hand. Eiji watched him. Ash clenched his jaw. He took out some extra napkins and shoved them in Eiji’s direction.

 

He started eating the ice cream.

 

It was a loss Ash found annoying simply because he wasn’t at all annoyed by Eiji’s triumphant smile. He scowled into his ice cream.

 

“How is the butterscotch?” Eiji asked, taking the napkins Ash had given him and wiping his face.

 

“Fine,” Ash clipped.

 

Eiji laughed. Ash pretended not to notice how Eiji threw his head back and squeezed his eyes shut like it was the funniest thing he’d ever experienced.

 

“You are very funny,” Eiji said, wiping his eye and returning to his ice cream.

 

They ate the rest of their ice cream in silence while Ash contemplated that. Alex and Shorter called him funny, but it was always with a sarcastic tone and narrowed eyes. Eiji seemed genuine. Strange.

 

When they had finished, they walked out of Sweet Cream, and Eiji stretched, obviously satisfied. “That was good, yes?”

 

Ash didn’t say anything, mostly out of spite.

 

Eiji checked his watch. “I should really get home now. Do you know the way?”

 

“Yeah,” Ash said, looking over at Eiji. Now was as good a time as ever. “I know the way to my brother’s house.”

 

Blinking, Eiji tilted his head to the side. “I do not understand.”

 

“The address you gave me,” Ash said, growing more annoyed. “That’s my brother’s address.”

 

“Are you perhaps Griffin’s brother?” Eiji asked, a smile growing on his face.

 

“Yeah. What are you doing claiming to live at my brother’s house?”

 

“Ibe and I are staying with your brother and his partner, Max,” Eiji explained, smiling happily. “Max and Ibe are friends from a long time ago, and so when we came to America, Max offered his home.”

 

Well, this was embarrassing.

 

Now that Eiji was mentioning it, Ash  _ did  _ remember Griff saying something a while back about letting a couple of Max’s friends stay for a while.

 

“Oh.”

 

“What a surprise!” Eiji said. “Griffin has said many times how much he loves you,” he said, as if that wasn’t a super embarrassing thing to say. “But he does not call you Ash-”

 

“Okay,” Ash interrupted. “Time for you to go home.”

 

He started walking fast so that Eiji had to jog to catch up. “I will still call you Ash, if that is what you would prefer,” Eiji said, still smiling, still genuine.

 

“I don’t care what you call me.”

 

“I think you do,” Eiji replied. Ash scowled.

  
  


-

  
  


They arrived at Griff’s house, and when Eiji started opening the door, Ash turned around and started to leave. Eiji frowned

 

“You are not coming in?”

 

“Wasn’t planning on it,” Ash replied, still walking away.

 

Eiji followed after him, placing a light hand on his arm to stop him. “But Griffin is your brother.”

 

“Yeah,” Ash said. He looked down at the neatly-trimmed grass of the front lawn. 

 

“Come inside.”

 

“I’m not staying.”

 

“You do not have to.”

 

Eiji gently pulled Ash to the front door, and Ash let him. Eiji wondered why Ash looked so apprehensive, so nervous.

 

They took their shoes off next to the door, and Eiji noticed there were only two other pairs of shoes instead of the usual three.

 

Max and Ibe were sitting at the kitchen table looking at an array of photographs when Eiji and Ash walked in. Ibe looked up first, noticing them come in. “Oh, you are home,” he said, voice tinged with relief. “I was getting worried. Who is your friend?”

 

“It is Griffin’s brother,” Eiji said, and Max looked up, too.

 

“Punk,” Max said, standing up.

 

“Old man,” Ash replied. He jut his chin out as Max came closer, and for a moment, Eiji was afraid they would fight. But then they shook hands, and then Max pulled Ash into a hug, which Ash returned. Eiji frowned. Americans were so strange.

 

“It’s been a few weeks, Ash. Where’ve you been?”

 

“School,” Ash said with a shrug. “Work.”

 

“Really?” Max said, raising an eyebrow. “Shorter and Alex have been by, and they said you haven’t been going to either.”

 

Alex glanced down at his shoes. Eiji jumped in.

 

“Where is Griffin?” he asked, looking between Max and the other man.

 

“Late shift at the firehouse,” Max said, giving Ash one last look before turning to Eiji.

 

Eiji didn’t miss the way Ash’s shoulders relaxed.

 

“I brought Ash in to give him something,” Eiji continued, turning back to the two older men. “We will be in my room.” Eiji grabbed Ash’s wrist and pulled him into the direction of the stairs. Ash stumbled after him, not looking Max in the eye as he left.

 

When they were upstairs, Eiji led him to his bedroom, pushing him in and closing the door behind them. Ash stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking around. He seemed to take in the photographs plastered to the walls and the camera equipment on top of the textbooks sitting on the desk. He looked closely at the photos on the wall, and then turned back to Eiji, pointing back at the wall.

 

“You took these?”

 

“Yes,” Eiji said, folding his arms. “Why did you not want to see Griffin?”

 

At first, Ash seemed surprised, as if he hadn’t thought Eiji had noticed. And then he looked away, digging his toe into the carpet. “I haven’t seen him since before…” He trailed off, shrugging his shoulders.

 

“The bridge?”

 

“Yeah, that.”

 

Eiji nodded. He turned to his desk and picked up a manilla folder, familiar in its guilty weight. Eiji held it in his hands for a moment, and then handed it over to Ash. 

 

He looked down at the folder, and then back up at Eiji, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Those are the pictures from that night,” Eiji said, pointing at the folder. “I am giving them to you.”

 

Ash looked back down at the folder, holding his hands a bit farther away from him. As if the folder could harm him in some way. “I don’t want them.”

 

“Then destroy them,” Eiji said, and Ash looked up at him, frowning. “They are yours now. You can do what you like with them.”

 

“I…” He trailed off, looking away from the folder as he held it back to Eiji. “I told you to keep them.”

 

“And I told you I could not do that unless you had seen them,” Eiji said, pushing the folder back to Ash. “If you look at them and decide that I can have them, then I will gladly accept. But only after you look at them.”

 

Eiji expected an argument. 

 

Instead, Ash just sighed. And he said: “You’re very stubborn, aren’t you?”

 

“I guess so,” Eiji said with a shrug.

 

Shaking his head, Ash tucked the folder underneath an arm and stuffed his hands back into his pockets. “I’m going home.”

 

“Be safe,” Eiji said, waving him goodbye.

 

Ash looked back at him, an inscrutable look on his face, and then he left.

  
  


-

  
  


Banana Fish stuck her talons into Ash’s back and clawed her way up to his shoulders. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, manilla folder in his lap, and his mind was uncomfortably blank. He hardly noticed Banana Fish, even when her claws pierced through his t-shirt and the skin of his shoulder so that she could keep her balance.

 

He lifted the folder, his fingers pushing up the small metal prongs that kept the folder from opening. His hands hovered over the paper flap, just shy of touching it. Banana Fish stared in rapt attention.

 

Sighing, Ash tossed the folder onto the floor and looked up at the ceiling. Banana Fish jumped down from his shoulder and onto the floor, examining the folder. Ash watched as she started to bite the metal prongs.

 

“Don’t do that,” Ash said, pushing her away from the folder with his foot. She turned her fangs from the metal to the sensitive skin of his foot, and Ash cursed, shaking her off and flopping back onto the bed.

 

He stared up at the ceiling a bit more, wondering if he’d ever open the folder.

 

His cursed cat climbed onto the bed, and then onto his chest, pushing all her weight into his ribs. “Don’t do that,” Ash repeated, plucking her off him and placing her onto the bed beside him. She ignored him, climbing back onto him and this time pressing all of her weight into the paw she very deliberately placed on his throat.

 

Ash choked, hurling her off him and glaring at her. She glared back at him, and then jumped back down onto the floor. She looked him in the eyes, and then returned to gnawing on the metal prongs of the folder.

 

He turned off his lamp and settled into bed angrily, deciding that the stupid cat could do whatever she liked as long as it had nothing to do with him. 

 

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. It didn’t come easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who the bored teenage Sweet Cream worker was
> 
> anyway it's the first not-friday update.. this week was a bit much for me, what with being back at school, and my school is (very, extremely, annoyingly) stupid so im taking exams next week. im not saying that i know for sure the update will be late, but i am saying that it's a possibility. same with the week after. life is a bit crazy right now, but i like writing this, so i think it'll be okay
> 
> thank you to all you lovelies that commented stupid shit that your cats do. the stories were nice and funny, and please don't stop leaving them - they're an absolute joy. as a gift, here's a story about my own cat
> 
> his name is beast, because he was an asshole as a baby and is now just fat. he's a clinical attention seeker, and he's a bit in love with me. i love him, too, except for the fact that i absolutely hate when he jumps onto my desk because i don't want him knocking things over. anyway, he, the attention seeker, comes screaming into my room at the hours in which i would like to be sleeping, and when i don't respond to him (because im, you know, sleeping) he jumps onto my desk. my ears and body, fine tuned to recognize the sound of this hefty cat jumping onto my desk near silently, snaps awake and im forced to GET OUT OF BED and PAY ATTENTION TO HIM. he's the worst.
> 
> i hope you have a wonderful week!!


	5. Princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You call her... Banana Fish?” Eiji asked.
> 
> “Yeah,” Shorter jumped in, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “That’s her name.”
> 
> “But…” Eiji trailed off, looking between Banana Fish and Ash and Shorter. “But it is such a stupid name. It does not make sense.”
> 
> or
> 
> eiji meets our favorite hellcat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy :)

Eiji pulled his apron over his head, tying it neatly behind his back and greeting Kong and Bones, both still too sleepy to say anything but a greeting back. Neither of them were really morning people, and neither was Ash, who stormed into the cafe behind him, lips turned down in an annoyed scowl. 

 

“Good morning, Ash,” Eiji greeted cheerily, and Ash pulled his own apron over his head, glaring down at the floor.

 

“G’morning,” Ash grumbled back, stalking to the exit of the kitchens before Eiji could say anything else.

 

“Dude,” Bones said, shaking his head. “You have superpowers.”

 

“You’re so powerful,” Kong agreed, and Eiji smiled, confused. 

 

Neither of them seemed willing to explain, and Eiji wasn’t really sure if he could get anything truly useful from them this early in the morning. He shrugged, grabbing a cleaning cloth and spray bottle and continued to the main cafe area.

 

For the duration of the morning, Eiji couldn’t help but watch Ash as he went about his business. It was a weekday, and so there were multitudes of college students coming in and out, tired with bed heads or otherwise, and Ash was working the front counter where people were supposed to pay. When he wasn’t dealing with the customers, he would slouch behind the counter, chin in hand and eyes drooping closed. And then when customers came up to him, he’d stand up straight, not necessarily polite, but definitely not mean either. Even with his detached manner, Eiji could tell the customers were struck by him.

 

They would stutter when Ash would ask them a question, stare for longer than what was expected, smile a little more alluringly. If Ash noticed this, he didn’t let on, face as stoic as ever.

 

Shorter came to work late, waltzing in after ten, although Eiji was sure he’d probably been scheduled to come in at eight like everyone else. When he came into the main part of the cafe, still tying the strings of the apron around his back, he was grinning loudly. “Hey, you look happy today,” he said to Ash, jostling him with an elbow.

 

Ash scowled, shrinking away from him. “No, I don’t.”

 

“What, can you see yourself?”

 

“Mirrors exist, Shorter.”

 

“That’s what you think,” Shorter replied, finishing up with tying his apron and throwing an arm around Eiji as he was cleaning up a table. “Hello, Eiji,” he said, and Eiji smiled over at him, only a little bit surprised to find that his face was about two inches from Shorter’s.

 

“Hello, Shorter,” he greeted back. “You are” - he paused, checking the watch on his wrist - “about two and a half hours late.”

 

Shorter reeled back as if struck, dramatically clutching his heart and turning his face away. “Eiji,” he cried. Customers were staring at them. “You wound me.”

 

“I am only stating the facts,” Eiji said, returning to cleaning off the table. He sprayed some of the cleaner onto it and wiped it down. “And the facts are that you are two and a half hours late.”

 

“You sound like Nadia,” Shorter said, getting out of his dramatic posture and dropping his arms to his sides. He was smiling a little crookedly, and Eiji stopped cleaning the table for a moment to smile back at him.

 

“Perhaps because she would like you to come to work on time.”

 

“And you’d like me to come to work on time?” Shorter asked, leaning in and raising an eyebrow.

 

“Yes,” Eiji said.

 

Shorter stared at him for a moment longer, his lips twitching further up into a smile, his eyes ever hidden by his dark sunglasses. And then he turned, walking away. “Maybe I will then.”

 

As he was passing through to the kitchen, Shorter kicked a leg out to Ash. “I get it now,” he said, and Ash whirled around fiercely, swinging a leg out to Shorter but only managing to connect with air. Shorter danced into the kitchen, laughing.

 

When Nadia saw that Shorter had arrived, she put him in charge of the front counter and let Ash go around taking orders and cleaning off tables with Eiji. Ash was fully awake now, standing up straighter and looking around with attentive eyes rather than with the dull overcasted look that seemed to be the norm with Ash in the mornings. He caught Eiji’s arm as he was going to the kitchen, and Eiji stopped, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Are you doing anything after your shift?” he asked lowly, leaning in a little so no one else would hear.

 

“I do not think so,” Eiji replied, tilting his head to the side.

 

A customer called for Ash, and Eiji saw his jaw clench as he let go of Eiji’s arm and went over to the customer.

 

“That’s his way of asking you out,” Shorter said easily, watching Eiji amusedly.

 

“Asking me out?” Eiji asked, shaking his head and furrowing his eyebrows. Asking him out where?

 

Shorter didn’t give any further explanation, and Eiji proceeded to the kitchen, still a little confused. Kong and Bones’s usual banter greeted him, and he soon forgot about the exchange. Until the end of his shift.

 

He was taking off his apron when Ash appeared in front of him, intense and beautiful. “Do you have to be anywhere anytime soon?” he asked.

 

“I do not think so,” Eiji replied. He was acutely aware of the rest of the cafe staff watching their exchange.

 

“Come over-”

 

“Okay,” Eiji said, and then realized that Ash had been going to say something else besides the ‘come over’ bit when he saw Ash’s open mouth and raised eyebrows. He blushed a little, embarrassed by his eagerness. “I am sorry, were you going to say something else?”

 

“No,” Ash said, closing his mouth and turning away. “Let’s go.”

  
  


-

  
  


Of course Shorter walked next to Ash and Eiji, loping along carelessly and making light conversation. On one hand, Ash was thankful for his presence. He didn’t really know what he would’ve said to Eiji if he was alone.

 

But on the other hand, Shorter was  _ unbearably annoying. _

 

Not in the way he normally was - affectionately annoying - in the way that Ash couldn’t help but enjoy. Now he was talking with Eiji in that friendly-borderline-flirtatious way and when Eiji would say something that could be interpreted as flirting back, Shorter would look over at Ash, his smile pulling more on one side than the other, before he turned back to Eiji.

 

And Ash knew why he was doing this. 

 

Shorter had for some reason started to believe that Ash was in love with Eiji.

 

Which was  _ ridiculous. _

 

He hardly knew him.

 

And of course it didn’t matter that Eiji was nice and pretty and had delicate pale skin and hair like midnight and eyes deep and dark and perfect - Ash wasn’t in love with him. He couldn’t be.

 

Ever since Ash had returned from the time him and Eiji had gotten ice cream, though, Shorter was convinced. He’d tried to get Ash to spill details about the ice cream thing, but Ash of course only told him that they got ice cream and that he walked Eiji home. He couldn’t tell him what they talked about, and so Shorter had assumed it was like a date rather than what it really was. A weird confrontation about Ash’s almost-end and Eiji’s photographic evidence.

 

Ash opened up the door to the apartment, letting Eiji and Shorter step inside first before shutting the door behind him. Eiji slipped off his shoes before entering further, looking around owlishly despite there being not much to look at. A couch, an old T.V., a coffee table, a dismal kitchen table with mismatched chairs. Banana Fish was sitting on top of the couch, regal and terrifying, surveying the three men as they entered the apartment.

 

“Is that her?” Eiji asked, eyes brightening, even though Shorter had told him what a hellion she was on the way over. He moved to her, slow but still very obviously excited.

 

“You should be careful,” Ash said, the first thing he’d said since leaving the cafe. “She bites.”

 

But when Eiji’s hand got near Banana Fish’s face, she sniffed it for a moment, and then rubbed against it gently. No hissing, no biting, no glaring.

 

“Oh, she is wonderful,” Eiji said as Banana Fish let him pet her gently.

 

“Of course  _ now  _ she wants to be nice,” Shorter said, shaking his head. “Literally ever since Ash brought her home, she’d been nothing but mean, and cruel, and  _ rude,”  _ he said, emphasizing each word with an accusatory point of his finger. Banana Fish looked away from Eiji only to spare Shorter a glare.

 

“Perhaps she does not like being called mean, and cruel, and rude,” Eiji said, stroking the traitorous yellow cat from her small head to the base of her tail. She seemed perfectly content for the first time in the weeks that Ash had had her. “What is her name?” Eiji asked, looking away from Banana Fish and looking to Ash for the answer.

 

“Banana Fish,” Ash said, still observing the way the cat was sniffing and rubbing gently at Eiji’s hand and arm. She wasn’t even that nice to Alex, which was saying something because he was always the one to go get treats and toys for her.

 

Eiji frowned. “What?”

 

“Her name is Banana Fish,” Ash repeated, and Eiji dropped his arm. Banana Fish seemed to mourn its loss.

 

“You call her... Banana Fish?” Eiji asked.

 

“Yeah,” Shorter jumped in, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “That’s her name.”

 

“But…” Eiji trailed off, looking between Banana Fish and Ash and Shorter. “But it is such a stupid name. It does not make sense.”

 

Alex had said the exact same thing, but somehow it was different hearing it from Eiji’s pretty mouth. Ash actually felt stupid for maybe the first time ever, and it was a very new, enriching experience.

 

“She chose it herself,” Shorter said in defense.

 

Eiji raised an eyebrow, turning back to Banana Fish and petting her again. “I do not think so,” he said doubtfully. Banana Fish stretched languidly, and then she stuck her claws into Eiji’s shirt. Ash started forward, ready to snatch her off him, but Eiji just laughed, letting her climb up onto his shoulder. “She is very funny,” he said as she licked his hair.

 

“That didn’t hurt you?” Ash asked, completely stunned as Banana Fish head-butted Eiji’s cheek lovingly. It was like he was watching a different cat, a  _ friendlier  _ cat.

 

“It stung a bit,” Eiji admitted with a shrug. “I do not mind, though.”

 

“Dude,” Shorter said, shaking his head in amazement, “you’re so powerful.”

 

“That is surprising,” Eiji said, running his hand gently through Banana Fish’s fur as she continued grooming him. “It is the second time today someone has said that to me.”

 

“Dude,” Shorter said, shaking his head again.

 

Eiji seemed perplexed and somehow pleased, unable to respond.

 

“I don’t get why she’s so nice to you,” Ash said, changing the topic away from Eiji’s ‘power’ and instead to something that was easier to talk about. “She’s always so mean to everyone else.”

 

“Maybe it is because you named her Banana Fish.” At the mention of her name, Banana Fish stopped licking Eiji’s hair, turning to glare meaningfully at Ash. It was like she was saying  _ ‘he’s right.’ _

 

“That can’t be it,” Ash said, mostly out of spite.

 

“I think that is it,” Eiji said, taking Banana Fish off his shoulder just so that he could hold her in his arms. 

 

“She chose it,” Shorter said again, scowling at Banana Fish.

 

“How would you feel to be given such a name?” Eiji asked, raising an eyebrow at them. “Not good,” he finished, not letting them answer.

 

“No,” Shorter said, sticking his chin in the air. “I wouldn’t care.”

 

“Really?” Eiji asked, his tone implying that he didn’t believe him. “And you, Ash?”

 

“I don’t care,” Ash said, but he wasn’t really sure about that.

 

“Then neither of you will mind if I give you similar names,” Eiji said, giving them a chance to back out.

 

Pride made Ash shrug indifferently. 

 

“Of course not,” Shorter said.

 

“Okay.” Eiji took a deep breath and pointed to Shorter. “Grape Chicken,” he said, and then he pointed to Ash. “Apple Cow.”

 

Ash didn’t think he liked how fast Eiji had come up with the names.

 

He also didn’t like how utterly ridiculous they were. He felt Shorter puff up beside him, obviously not a big fan of the nickname he’d been christened with, but he seemed to stop when he saw Eiji’s lips twitch up into a satisfied smile. He backed down.

 

“It’s a great name,” Shorter said through clenched teeth. “I love it.”

 

“I am glad, Grape Chicken,” Eiji said, letting his sweet smile grow into something rather mischievous. “What do you think about your new name, Apple Cow?” he asked, turning to Ash.

 

Ash looked at Banana Fish, a cat who got the cream, lounging and satisfied in Eiji’s arms. She was obviously relishing this experience. Ash pursed his lips. “I don’t care.”

 

“Of course,” Eiji said, nodding sympathetically.

 

They stood in a stiff silence - or rather, Ash and Shorter stood in stiff silence. Both Banana Fish and Eiji seemed to be enjoying it greatly. 

 

Maybe they got along so well because they were kindred spirits. Ash would never have thought that about comparing Eiji to his heartless yellow devil-cat, but he was now being called Apple Cow and things were very different.

 

“Well, I told Cain that I’d go to the community center today,” Shorter finally said, breathing out a sigh. “So I’m leaving now.”

 

“Be safe, Grape Chicken,” Eiji said, absolutely sincere.

 

Shorter squinted at him. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

It seemed like Shorter was going to try and keep pretending to be angry at Eiji, but then he snorted out a laugh, giving Eiji a half hug. He was careful not to touch Banana Fish, though, and then he glomped Ash with his own warm, all-encompassing hug. “See you two crazy kids later,” he said as he left, as if he wasn’t the same age as them.

 

Now Ash and Eiji were alone. Banana Fish wriggled lightly in Eiji’s arms (another display of her affection; if it was anyone else, she would’ve bitten them fiercely and dug her claws into them without remorse), and Eiji put her down obediently.

 

“Why did you want me to come over?” Eiji asked, candid as ever. He watched Banana Fish as she went over to her food and water bowls, and Ash watched him.

 

“I wanted you to meet her.”

 

“She is beautiful,” Eiji said, looking back to him.

 

“She’s mean.”

 

“I do not think so,” Eiji said, and the way he smiled felt like they weren’t talking about the cat anymore.

 

Ash looked away, suddenly feeling fidgety and weird. It seemed like every time he was around Eiji he felt something different that he didn’t think he’d felt in a long time. He never really got stressed over the right thing to say or how he seemed, but with Eiji, it was different. He never knew what to say. He never wanted to seem rude.

 

“Tell me about the classes you are in,” Eiji said. It light command, easy and unforceful, just like everything else about Eiji. Ash found himself talking before he could think too hard about it.

 

He talked about his classes and the professors he had for them - and he found that he liked talking with Eiji listening. He would ask questions, but never interrupt him, and he really did seem interested.

 

“You have an A in economics?” Eiji asked in disbelief, shaking his head. “Are you a genius?”

 

Well.

 

“Technically speaking,” Ash said, looking down in embarrassment. He’d never been truly embarrassed of his intellect, but he never really felt like mentioning it. It always felt like boasting, and Ash hated people who boasted.

 

Eiji’s eyes widened, hand still holding the toy he’d been using to entertain Banana Fish. She lunged at it and ended up taking it from him, landing back on the floor and gnawing on the neon pink feathers. “Are you being serious?”

 

“Yeah,” Ash said with a shrug. “I took an IQ test a while back and got… above average.” 

 

“Very above average?” Eiji asked. Ash shrugged again. That was as much an answer as any.

 

“Wow,” Eiji said, lifting his head in amazement. “I cannot believe you are a genius, Apple Cow.”

 

Ash’s lip curled up, and Eiji laughed, full and heartily. And beautifully.

 

He had to look away. 

 

Their conversation returned to Ash’s classes, and Ash got to the one class he hadn’t mentioned yet. The class he hadn’t mentioned yet on purpose.

 

“And the last one is politics,” he said, “taught by Professor Golzine.” Saying the name made him want to retch, but he held it in. “It was my favorite class.”

 

Eiji watched him carefully, seeming to pick up on the one thing that Ash was trying so very hard to hide. “Was?” he asked.

 

“Was,” Ash agreed.

 

There was a space of silence, and Banana Fish seemed to grow bored of the mutilated toy by her feet. She jumped into Eiji’s lap, begging for attention by rubbing at his hands and stomach. Eiji gave it to her, still watching Ash.

 

“Can I ask why it is not your favorite class anymore?”

 

Ash couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t breathe. 

 

“No.”

 

“Okay,” Eiji said, not seeming at all bothered by his refusal, instead accepting it as easily as he had accepted not being told why Ash had been on the ledge of a bridge. Ash’s heart clenched with some unknown emotion, sort of similar to gratefulness, but deeper, more powerful. 

 

Overwhelmed, still unable to breathe easily, Ash stood up from the couch. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

 

“Okay,” Eiji said again, in the exact same tone as before. Eiji had probably figured out that Ash had just needed an escape, but he didn’t say anything about it.

 

Ash retreated into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and leaning onto the sink, letting himself breathe fast and hard. His stomach lurched, but he forced himself to swallow, looking up at his reflection in the water-stained mirror.

 

He looked awful.

 

Deep purple bags under his eyes. Hair messy and unbrushed. Clothes wrinkled. Skin pale and gray. Hands shaking, lips trembling.

 

He thought he’d been getting somehow better since that night at the bridge, somehow healed by his continuing life. But he’d just been avoiding it - he realized it now. Just with the utterance of a name, he was brought back to the pathetic husk of a person that had decided to stand on that bridge in the first place.

 

The soft murmurs of Eiji’s voice drifted into the closed bathroom. Ash strained to listen.

 

_ “Mii-mii,”  _ he heard Eiji say, gentle and endearing and playful. He said some other words that didn’t sound like English, the sounds too soft and fluid to be the harsh consonants and vowels of the English language. And then there was a pause, and Ash heard Eiji laugh.

 

“That is it, yes?” Eiji asked, still softly, still gently, still playfully.  _ “Hime-chan.” _

 

Ash glanced one last time in the mirror, and then he left the bathroom.

 

-

  
  


_ “Hime-chan.” _

 

Ash came back from the bathroom. Eiji looked up from the little yellow cat that Ash and Shorter called Banana Fish, catching sight of Ash. He looked more tired than before, slouching under some unseen burden.

 

“You weren’t speaking English just now,” he said, and Eiji nodded, recognizing that this reaction of Ash’s was something that would be left unexplained.

 

“Yes,” Eiji said, eyes following Ash as he sat back down on the couch. “I was speaking in Japanese.”

 

“Was it hard to learn English?”

 

“It is very different from Japanese,” Eiji admitted. “But I started learning very young, like all Japanese children. I do get confused sometimes, though.”

 

Like with the ice cream and the other fruity ice treat on the stick. He’d remembered what it was as soon as Ash had left him that night. Popsicle. A funny word.

 

Ash looked down at  _ Hime-chan,  _ curled up in Eiji’s lap. He really didn’t understand how Ash and Shorter thought she was so mean - she was an absolute delight. “What did you call her?” Ash asked, looking back up at Eiji.

 

_ “Hime-chan,”  _ Eiji said for him. “It means princess.”

 

Scoffing out a laugh, Ash shook his head. “You’ll make her ego grow.”

 

“I think it is fitting for her,” Eiji said with a shrug.  _ Hime  _ was exactly like what he thought a princess would be like - regal and beautiful, stern and affectionate when she wanted to be.

 

“She’s so nice to you, and she treats me like dirt,” Ash said. “She once choked me, you know.”

 

“I am sure she did not mean to,” Eiji said, trying to hold back a laugh.

 

“Oh, she meant to, and she wasn’t sorry about it, either.” The tired look of Ash was lifting then, and he closer to how he did earlier, before he’d mentioned his politics class. His green eyes were bright and amused.

 

“I think you do not understand her.”

 

“I think she doesn’t understand me, so the feeling is mutual.” 

 

Eiji laughed, and he could feel Ash’s eyes on him, observing him. But, just like all of the other times he had felt Ash’s eyes on him at the cafe or the ice cream shop or the buffet place they’d gone to with Alex and Shorter, he didn’t mind it.

 

“She doesn’t even let me pet her,” Ash said, trying to scowl like Eiji had seen him do before. But he seemed too content there on the couch talking about his cat. The effect was less scowl and more smile.

 

“Have you really tried?” Eiji asked.

 

“Of course I’ve-” 

 

Eiji gave him a look. He stopped.

 

“I thought so.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

Shifting slightly so that he was closer to Ash but still mindful of  _ Hime-chan  _ dozing in his lap, Eiji offered his hand to Ash. “May I?” he asked.

 

Ash looked at his hand, and then his face, and then  _ Hime.  _ Eiji saw his fist clench, his body tense. Just as he was about to draw back his hand, Ash let out a shuddering sigh, light and hardly noticeable, but still there. He put his hand in Eiji’s.

 

Eiji held it delicately, knowing that the touch was conflicting for Ash for whatever reason, and he brought it to  _ Hime-chan’s  _ nose. She woke up briefly, sniffing in disinterest at Ash’s hand, and then she laid her head back down on Eiji’s thigh.

 

“That is your permission,” Eiji said, bringing Ash’s hand to  _ Hime’s  _ soft, yellow back. He placed Ash’s hand there on the fur and then guided him through the motions of stroking her before taking his hand away.

 

He couldn’t help but watch the movements of Ash’s hand, knobbly and thin, like the sort of hand that would play a piano or dance along the strings of a guitar. His skin was a gentle sort of golden, like the lightest stripes in  _ Hime’s  _ fur, or the soft rays of buttery morning sunlight, and Eiji couldn’t help but become mesmerized by the movements of such a beautiful hand.

 

Ash broke the silence with a small laugh. Eiji looked up, a little surprised to see that Ash’s beautiful, intense, sharp face was softened by the slightest hints of a smile. “I like her,” he said, and Eiji heard the thing that Ash didn’t say.  _ I understand her. _

 

“I think she likes you, too,” Eiji said as  _ Hime  _ stretched languidly in Eiji’s lap, relishing in Ash’s touch.

 

“I’m not calling her princess, though,” he said, looking up at Eiji, still with that smile, like the tentative morning sun, like the stumbling light of a streetlamp. Eiji lost his breath, and then he laughed.

 

“Okay, Apple Cow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when i thought that i was going to update late this week??? look at me, exceeding my own expectations
> 
> in other news, i finished all my exams (!!!) and did i think relatively well on all of them (except latin, since im exceptionally awful at it). also i had a dream last night about this chapter - i was watching the events of the last scene happen with ash, eiji, and our dear princess, but it was different?? and i was kind of upset because i knew that it wasn't happening the way i wrote it and i was trying really hard to fix it but every time i fixed it i found the same mistake but later on??? weird
> 
> as for the story: ash is hurting. but remember - 'happy endings' is in the title


	6. The Athlete, the Professor, and the Boys that are Neither

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was no longer rising or flying or hovering. He was falling.
> 
> or
> 
> enter: some angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: there is an implied rape scene in this chapter. nothing specific or graphic, but it's better to be safe than sorry. the scene will be separated by (*)s instead of the normal (-)s; please take care of yourselves
> 
> enjoy <3

Whatever truce Eiji had managed to coax out of Banana Fish when visiting the apartment stopped the very moment he left. She almost seemed like a normal house cat when Eiji was there, letting everyone pet her or hold her without much of a fuss. She even made that weird motor sound in her throat sometimes, although that was only when Eiji was touching her.

 

But now Eiji was not at the apartment, and now Banana Fish was laying on top of Ash’s chest, her talons digging into the skin just above his heart.

 

Ash glared up at her.

 

Banana Fish glared down at him.

 

Because of the fact that Banana Fish was in fact laying _on_ Ash’s chest, she moved slightly up and down with every breath and exhale. This didn’t seem to deter her from being comfortable (although it was greatly detering Ash from being comfortable, but she never seemed to care very much about that), and she was soon asleep.

 

It was a Thursday, which meant that if Ash was in the mood to go to class, then he’d have to go to economics and politics. Economics was fine - he’d been going ever since a couple of weeks ago when he started going to classes again - but politics was not.

 

Maybe he’d skip. It’s not like he would be able to go anywhere in the immediate future, what with a death trap napping over all of his important internal organs.

 

Alex pushed open the door to Ash’s room, holding a mug of something steamy. He was still in his pajamas since he’d taken a day off to get rid of extra vacation days, and he didn’t seem too impressed that Ash was also still in his pajamas.

 

“You’re going to class, right?” he asked, in the tone that implied that the question was less of a question and more like a command.

 

“I can’t move,” Ash said, staring up at the ceiling. Banana Fish had climbed onto his chest probably around an hour ago, and in that hour, Ash hadn’t moved an inch. Lack of motivation as well as a hearty dose of fear for his mortal life kept him in place.

 

“Just push her off.”

 

“She’ll kill me.”

 

“She’s asleep.”

 

“For now.”

 

Alex moved into the room, and Ash didn’t have to look at him to know he had on that motherly worried expression of his that always ended up pressuring Ash to do productive things he didn’t want to. “Don’t use Banana Fish as an excuse to not go to class,” he said, completely cutting through all bullshit pretenses as he sat down on the edge of Ash’s bed.

 

“I’m not,” Ash half-lied. He really _was_ scared of Banana Fish, but he also was definitely using her as an excuse.

 

“You are,” Alex said, putting his mug down on Ash’s nightstand and carefully extracting Banana Fish from Ash’s chest. Since she had just been napping, she was like a noodle in his arms, too tired to protest or bite, and Alex held her against his shoulder like one would hold a baby. “There. Now she’s not on you.”

 

Ash groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Alex, I’m feeling sick.”

 

“No, you’re not.”

 

So maybe he wasn’t.

 

“You can’t keep skipping,” Alex said, petting Banana Fish softly. She was starting to wake up properly, but all she was doing so far was glaring around the room, her tail swishing annoyedly against Alex’s stomach.

 

“I’ve been going,” Ash said.

 

“But you haven’t been going to politics.”

 

Well.

 

He had him there.

 

“All I’m saying is that I don’t want you to start skipping your classes and then not go to them at all like you did a couple weeks ago. That wasn’t…” He trailed off, looking down at Ash’s bedspread. “That didn’t seem healthy.”

 

“And going to my classes is going to make me feel better?” Ash asked skeptically. If only he knew.

 

“Maybe not, but it’s better than wasting away in bed.”

 

Ash glared out his window. “It’s just one day, Alex.”

 

“It’ll end up being more than that, and you know it.”

 

He did. Banana Fish bit Alex’s hand and jumped out of his arms.

 

“Please?” Alex asked, and Ash made himself look over at his friend. He was sitting alone, arms empty. He looked desperate, and Ash felt the familiar guilt pour over his bones.

 

“Fine.”

  


-

  


Eiji leaned against the fence, eyes following the athlete in the field, fingers tapping absently at the camera in his hands. He was stretching now, flexing his legs and rolling his ankles and shoulders. And then he bent over, picking up the long, thin pole on the side of the field. A burst of warm laughter followed the motion - his coach or trainer had made some sort of joke - and the sound cut through the chilled air to reach Eiji’s ears.

 

The athlete took a few deep, sharp breaths, his chest expanding with life and oxygen. And then he was running. Running, running, running, the pole in his hand slicing through the air.

 

He raised his camera.

 

The pole slammed into the ground, bending into a graceful arc under the athlete’s weight, and he was airborne, draped along the blue sky. His body twisted, his back hovering just above the bar, his sweat-shined face lifted up to the burning fall sun.

 

He pressed the shutter button, impossibly quick in this moment of suspended motion.

 

The athlete made it past the bar, and he was no longer rising or flying or hovering. He was falling.

 

He lowered his camera, closing his eyes as the athlete hit the mat.

 

When he opened his eyes again, the athlete was on his feet, giving his trainer a high-five and grinning widely.

 

Eiji’s phone rang.

 

He jumped, pulling out his phone from his pocket. It was Ibe.

 

 _“Moshi moshi,”_ he greeted. “What’s up, Ibe?”

 

“Hey, Eiji, I was just calling to see where you are,” Ibe said, the familiar soft sounds of their language twisting gently through the phone to Eiji’s ears.

 

Leaning back from the fence, Eiji tried to come up with a decent enough lie. “I’m at the university, uh, studying,” he answered, looking around guiltily at the track field and the buzzing variety of athletes milling about.

 

Ibe was silent for a moment. Eiji knew he’d been caught before he even said anything. “You’re at the track field again, aren’t you?”

 

He was.

 

“Of course not,” he said, even though he knew he didn’t sound very convincing.

 

“Eiji,” Ibe said, making his name sound like a sigh. “What’s the point in going there?”

 

Heart tightening, Eiji found himself looking over at the athlete he’d photographed before. The pole vaulter. Distantly, he felt a deep aching in his ankle.

 

“I just came to take pictures,” he said, trying his best to sound nonchalant about it.

 

“Okay,” Ibe said as if he didn’t believe him, “but make this the last time, got it?” Eiji didn’t answer. Ibe sighed again. “I brought you with me to take your mind off this. Not so you could make yourself feel worse.”

 

“I know,” Eiji said, even as he watched the pole vaulter prep for another jump.

 

“Then come back. Griffin made lunch.”

 

Eiji watched the pole vaulter start running, and he turned away, back to the fence. “Okay.”

 

“See you soon, Eiji. Be safe on your way back.” He hung up.

 

Putting his phone back into his pocket, Eiji glanced back at the pole vaulter. He was falling.

 

Running a hand through his hair, Eiji shook his head, turning around once more. He walked away without looking back again.

  


*

  


“That’s all for today.”

 

Ash gathered his things, stuffing it all into his backpack and keeping one eye on the progress of his fellow students. He was trying to leave with the crowd.

 

When the most people were clogged at the exit of the lecture hall, Ash slipped out of his seat at the very back of the class, careful not to look at the front of the room where he could feel eyes burning into him. He was almost there. Almost out.

 

A large, burning hand landed on his shoulder, grip firm and unyielding. The overwhelming scent of too much Old Spice and peppermint washed over him.

 

Desolation crept through Ash’s veins, right alongside his quickly cooling blood. He had no choice but to watch as the rest of the class bled out the door, leaving him behind. Alone.

 

Alone with Professor Golzine.

 

“Aslan,” Golzine said, coming around to face Ash. “We should talk.” Voice low and deep. Ash shivered involuntarily, turning his eyes to the ground.

 

“What is there to talk about?”

 

“You haven’t been attending class.”

 

Clenching his jaw, Ash forced himself to look up at Golzine’s face. Aged, strong, ugly. “So?”

 

“So we should talk about your…” He trailed off, his ugly lips twisting up into an ugly smile. “Remedial lessons.”

 

He was still gripping Ash’s shoulder. He couldn’t get away.

 

“I don’t need them.”

 

“But if you don’t put in the effort,” Golzine said, sick expression twisting into something that someone could call sympathy, “I’ll have no choice but to fail you for this class. I’m afraid that you’ve been absent for too many days for me to pass you without doing anything to fix it.”

 

If Ash failed, then he’d have to take the class again.

 

_No._

 

“Come,” Golzine murmured, wrapping an arm around Ash’s waist, gripping him like a vice and making him start walking. Mouth pressed to the space by his ear, too hot, too close. “Let’s go to my office.”

 

_No._

 

_No._

 

_No._

 

Old Spice and peppermint invaded his nose. His heart was beating too fast. He need air, but all that came into his lungs was fucking Old Spice and peppermint.

 

Golzine pushed him into his office, and he locked the door behind him.

  


*

  


Despite knowing that Ibe had probably wanted Eiji to come back as soon as he’d hung up, Eiji lingered at the university. He had some homework to do, and he wasn’t in the mood for company. He studied in the library for a bit, making sure to text Ibe that he had decided to actually study (he sent a picture of the library and his homework just so Ibe would be convinced), and then he started the walk back.

 

Even with all of the alone time, he still wasn’t quite ready to go back to the house. He didn’t really feel like facing his inadequacies, or Ibe’s sympathetic concern. He walked slowly along the sidewalks and street paths, taking as much time as possible.

 

Just as he was walking onto the Freeland Heights Bridge, he caught sight of a familiar figure standing at the center, leaning against the edge.

 

Ash was there, elbows against the ledge, golden head downcast. Eiji couldn’t see his face at all, couldn’t hear what he was thinking, couldn’t imagine what was running through his heart, but a very real fear coursed through his veins. He found himself almost running to stand by Ash, even if he didn’t _seem_ to be in any immediate danger.

 

Maybe it was that the last time Eiji had seen Ash alone on the bridge, he had been about to jump.

 

Maybe it was that the shape of Ash’s figure was off, too small, too tense.

 

Whatever it was, Eiji was standing beside Ash, breathless, worried beyond belief. He reached out, touching him lightly on the arm, and Ash jerked back, his head whipping up. A feral sort of fear contorted Ash’s delicate features, his green eyes burning with hurt and hate and horror.

 

Eiji stepped away, confused.

 

“I-I’m sorry,” Ash murmured, the fear fading from his features and being replaced with something heavier. He couldn’t seem to be able to look at Eiji.

 

“It is okay,” Eiji said, shaking his head. “I should have said it was me.”

 

Breathing out a shuddering sigh, Ash ran a hand through his hair and turned back to the ledge of the bridge, resuming his previous position. Eiji stepped a little closer to him - not too close - and leaned against the bridge as well, trying to catch Ash’s eyes.

 

“Are you all right? You do not seem well.”

 

“I’m fine,” Ash said. It sounded as though he was trying to convince himself of that fact.

 

“No,” Eiji said gently, “you are not.”

 

Head dropping lower, Ash’s shoulders rose up to his ears, and Eiji watched as he began to shake. Short, small, barely audible breaths interrupted the shaking, and Eiji realized that Ash was-

 

“I am here,” Eiji said, only just loud enough for Ash to be able to hear. He didn’t reach out and try to touch him, didn’t try and make him explain. He just said what felt right, and the only thing that felt right to say then was: “You are not alone.”

 

Ash didn’t say anything back, and Eiji looked down at the river flowing below them. It wasn’t the raging anger it had been that first night, and it wasn’t the placid calm from the ice cream night. It was slow and simmering, and more than a little sad.

 

Eiji’s heart broke just looking at it.

  


-

  


Ash was pathetic.

 

Somehow, Eiji had managed to coax him off the bridge and to Ash’s apartment. It was empty - Alex had left a note to say that he had gone to help out at the community center with Shorter - and so only Banana Fish was there to greet them. She lept off her place on the couch (that she technically wasn’t supposed to lay on) and ran over to rub on Eiji’s legs, sparing Ash a glance.

 

At least it wasn’t a glare. Ash took what he could get.

 

 _“Hime-chan,”_ Eiji cooed, perfectly normal, crouching down to pet Banana Fish. “It is good to see you!”

 

How could he be so normal?

 

“I do not have treats for you today,” Eiji continued as Banana Fish tried to climb onto him. “Next time I will bring some.” She ended up in his arms, just like always, and Eiji stood, smiling at Ash.

 

He didn't know what to do. He felt empty.

 

“You should take a shower and change into comfortable clothing,” Eiji suggested, walking further into the apartment and maneuvering Banana Fish in his arms so that he could put his backpack on the ground. “You have had a long day, it seems.”

 

A heavy pressure swelled in Ash’s chest, so powerful that it was painful, and it took all of Ash’s strength to hold back another break down. He nodded, leaving Eiji in the living room as he went to his bedroom.

 

Mechanically, he got out a ratty shirt that he normally used to sleep in, clean underwear, and a pair of sweatpants, and then he went to the bathroom. He turned on the water and waited for it to get hot, staring blankly into the sink.

 

He stripped out of his clothes, itchy and uncomfortable on his skin, and stepped into the searing water. Steam clouded his vision, and the water burned, almost unbearable, and still the dirty feeling remained. Tears ran down his cheeks, and he scrubbed his skin until it was raw, and still the smells of Old Spice and peppermint remained.

 

The emptiness in him swelled until it was not emptiness and instead overwhelming _everythingness,_ pushing at his throat and ribs and heart until it was unbearable. A pitiful sob escaped his throat, and he shoved his fist into the tiled wall of the shower. It hit hard, and he did it again because at least he was feeling something and at least it was a pain he could understand, and he did it again and again and again and again.

 

He hit the wall until he couldn’t stand it anymore and his arm was weak and there was red on the white tile and mixing with the steaming water. He leaned his forehead against the wall, completely spent, completely nothing.

 

When he got out from the shower and put on his clothes, they felt rough on his skin, and when he looked at himself in the mirror, he saw that his entire body was tinged pink from his vigorous scrubbing. He turned away from his reflection, leaving the bathroom.

 

Eiji was in the kitchen.

 

Voice soft, sweet, pretty.

 

 _“Hime-chan,_ it is no good if you get on the counter. Ash will be upset.”

 

Something drastically different than the swelling emptiness and everythingness pulled at his chest. Ash went to the kitchen.

 

Banana Fish was waltzing around Eiji’s feet, obviously begging for attention as Eiji sliced up some vegetables and hummed softly to himself. When he felt that Ash was there, he stopped the cutting, looking up. If he noticed the red raw look of Ash’s skin or the split skin of his knuckles, he didn’t say anything, instead smiling. Not too bright, but bright enough, like the rays of sunlight that filter through Ash’s blinds in the morning.

 

“I hope you do not mind,” Eiji said, gesturing to the pot of something simmering on the stove and the vegetables that he’d been cutting, “but I am using your kitchen to make us soup.”

 

Ash shook his head to show that it was okay, and Eiji went back to cutting up the vegetables. Banana Fish danced around his legs, and he looked down fondly at her, like she was something that he loved dearly. “Not now, _Hime,”_ he chided, but of course she wanted attention from her favorite human, and so she ignored him.

 

“Could you keep her busy while I finish the soup?” Eiji asked, looking over to Ash.

 

Nodding, Ash picked up the fussy yellow cat. She cried loudly, obviously upset at being picked up by Ash and being taken away from Eiji, but Ash ignored her attempts to escape as he carried her over to the living room. While Eiji finished the soup, Ash kept Banana Fish’s attention with one of the many toys she’d accumulated from Alex and Eiji.

 

When the soup was done, Eiji called Ash over, and the two of them ate soup at the table. Banana Fish sat in Eiji’s lap the entire time.

 

“Would you like me to leave now?” Eiji asked as he was washing their bowls. From any other person, Ash would’ve felt like the question was somehow loaded, but the way Eiji asked it made it feel genuine. He wasn’t asking to make Ash feel guilty about his bad hospitality - he was asking because he really wanted to know.

 

Ash thought about it. He thought about being alone now. With his thoughts. With his skin that still felt dirty. With the phantom smells invading his every breath.

 

And then he thought about the quiet contentment of being around Eiji. The soft, gentle sun ray smiles. The way his mind focused on the slope of his small nose and the sweep of his midnight hair.

 

“No,” Ash said, the word coming out like a whisper. “Please. Stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my lovelies, and thank you for bearing with a heavy chapter <3
> 
> to be quite honest with you, writing this chapter was fun in a very different way than writing the other chapters are. of course i have had fun while writing every other chapter of this fic and making stupid jokes and coming up with weird things for kong and bones to talk about, but nothing beats writing sad stuff and feeling good about the emotions being portrayed and knowing that you're able to communicate what you want to say properly
> 
> this week was a bit a busy for me because i had ReSpOnSiBiLiTiEs to attend to like everyday and it was e x h a u s t i n g.. i even went to the gym. like?? wow look at me, doing that. but aside from all that, i'm glad that i was able to finish this chapter close enough to friday (it's about 12:30am as im posting this) for me to feel satisfied
> 
> and for anyone who may be going through something similar as to the things that happen in this chapter, please remember just one thing: you are not alone.


	7. Honey-Colored Contentment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of the sudden, all Ash could think about was the way that Eiji’s midnight hair fell over his forehead, the way his lips curved when he smiled, the way his brown eyes sparkled in the sunlight.
> 
> He was definitely going mad.
> 
> or
> 
> we get soft up in this house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy :)

Eiji walked into Ash’s bedroom, taking it in. 

 

Objectively, it was a mess.

 

But it was an endearing sort of mess, like Ash was the kind of person that thought too much and too fast. Papers were scattered around, anywhere from notes to homework to doodles, and random shirts and pants were draped over the back of his desk chair and the bed. Posters for video games and sticky notes for reminders were stuck up on the walls, and Eiji leaned in to read a note stuck at eye-level on Ash’s desk.

 

_ Remember: your turn to get BF’s food. And YES you’re getting her canned food, it’s what she deserves - Alex _

 

Just underneath this, there was another one, also from Alex.

 

_ STOP EATING MY CEREAL. GET YOUR OWN, JACKASS - your loving roommate (who definitely doesn’t want to kill you right now), Alex _

 

Smiling faintly, Eiji turned back to Ash. He was standing in the middle of the room, standing alone and hurt in the middle of this chaos - like some sort of renaissance painting, like some sort of living, breathing art -  and Eiji felt something in his chest tighten. He couldn’t help but notice Ash’s raw pink skin, the haunted shadow in his eyes, the weeping wounds on his knuckles. He had seen these things before, just after Ash had come to the kitchen, and just as before, Eiji didn’t say anything about it.

 

“Do you mind if I read out loud?” he asked when it was clear Ash wasn’t going to be the one to start the conversation. Eiji didn’t blame him - he looked as though he was about ready to collapse.

 

Ash didn’t answer, furrowing his eyebrows and sitting down on the unmade bed. Eiji sat down next to him, reaching into his backpack that he’d brought into the room and taking out the book in English that he’d been reading. He showed it to Ash.

 

“Ibe says that reading out loud may help with my English speaking,” he continued, setting the book down in his lap with a shrug. “I do not know if it is working.” He let out a small laugh, as he looked over at Ash. Silent, intense, hurt.

 

“It’s okay,” Ash finally said, his voice hoarse. “Your English,” he said when Eiji frowned. “It’s okay.”

 

“I think you are just being flattering to me,” Eiji said, waving his hand. “But do you mind if I read out loud?”

 

Ash shook his head. Eiji opened the book.

 

“I will start at the beginning,” he said softly, and Ash nodded. The both of them got into better positions on the bed - Eiji leaning against the headboard with his legs crossed, Ash laying down on his back, staring at the ceiling.

 

For some reason, Eiji’s heart was racing, as if he was running. As if he was flying.

 

He cleared his throat. 

 

“Once upon a time…”

  
  


-

  
  


Fairy tales. 

 

Of course it was fairy tales.

 

Ash hadn’t heard any in such a long time, though, and so he didn’t mind letting himself get lost in the story, in the sound of Eiji’s voice.

 

More so Eiji’s voice than the story.

 

And even though Eiji had said that he didn’t know if his English was okay, he spoke fine, and he read even better. The sound of his gentle accent hanging onto and rolling over harsh English consonants was like listening to an ancient river slowly and patiently running its fingers over harsh, stubborn rocks to smooth them out into something gentler, prettier.

 

Instead of thinking about anything he didn’t want to think about and feeling anything he didn’t want to feel, Ash closed his eyes, turning on his side so that his nose was only inches away from Eiji’s thigh, and he let himself relax.

 

Even as he drifted off, the rhythm of Eiji’s voice reached his ears, and he dreamt that he was sitting on a river bank, face lifted up to the sun.

  
  


-

  
  


Eiji finished the first story, looking down at Ash.

 

He had curled up beside him, knees tucked up to his waist and hands clenched into loose fists. His eyes were shut and he was breathing slowly. Eiji wondered when exactly he’d fallen asleep.

 

It was completely unfair, Eiji found himself thinking, that Ash could be so beautiful awake and just the same amount of beautiful while he slept. Ash didn’t drool or sleep with his mouth hanging open or snore loudly. He slept like an angel - all golden eyelashes brushing tan cheeks, pink lips parting slightly in a gentle sigh, golden hair falling in graceful lines over his bedsheets.

 

Closing the book, Eiji involuntarily reached over and brushed back a lock of silken hair from Ash’s face. He stirred just the slightest, his thin eyebrows furrowing, lips pursing, until he relaxed again. Eiji looked down at Ash’s hands..

 

One of his hands had bleeding splits at the knuckles. The bleeding had definitely slowed since he’d seen him in the kitchen, but they still needed to be taken care off. Carefully, quietly, Eiji took out his phone to send a text to Alex.

 

> **To: Alex**
> 
>  
> 
> **Where do you keep the first aid kit?**

 

The reply was almost instantaneous, and it wasn’t in text form. Eiji almost dropped his phone on Ash’s face when it started vibrating violently with the force of Alex’s call. Quickly pressing the button to answer, Eiji couldn’t even greet Alex before being assaulted by Alex’s frenzied questioning.

 

“Why do you need the first aid kit? Who’s hurt? Is it serious? Is it you or Ash? Do you need to go to the hospital?  _ What happened?” _

 

“Ah, hello, Alex,” Eiji whispered, glancing down at Ash to make sure he hadn’t heard Alex’s panicked voice over the tinny speaker of his phone. “Everything is fine, but we need some bandages.”

 

“Oh,” Alex said, breathing out a sigh of relief. And then a pause. “For what?”

 

Eiji looked down at Ash’s injured hand. The type of wounds that come from punching a wall repeatedly. “Ah, well, Ash injured himself while we were making lunch,” Eiji stammered, hoping that sounded convincing enough. “Nothing serious.”

 

“Well, the kit is under the bathroom sink,” Alex answered, sounding considerably less panicked than before. “Oh, and me and Shorter will be back in time for dinner.”

 

“Ah, okay,” Eiji said as Alex hung up, wondering if he’d end up staying for dinner. He felt bad for making Ibe wait so long for his return, even if he had kept him updated since leaving the university campus.

 

Pushing that aside, he carefully got off the bed, watching Ash’s sleeping face to make sure he didn’t disturb him. He shifted slightly, and Eiji froze. But he seemed to still be asleep, and so Eiji continued moving off the bed. When he was off and Ash still hadn’t woken up, he went to the bathroom and found the first aid kit, bringing it back to the bedroom.

 

Getting back onto the bed was as much a challenge as getting off, but he got on, sitting facing Ash. For some reason, his heart thumped painfully before he reached out his hand to take Ash’s injured one, and Eiji frowned. Perhaps he was getting sick.

 

He opened up the first aid box with a small  _ click  _ and found the bandages he needed. Gently, he took Ash’s injured hand in his own, spreading the relaxed fingers so that he could tape the bandage to Ash’s palm. 

 

His skin was firm, calloused in some places. His hand was big, bigger than Eiji would’ve expected, although his fingers were thin and delicate, knobby like tree roots.

 

_ Hime  _ jumped onto the bed, startling Eiji out of his thoughts about Ash’s hands, and she started to play with the ends of the bandage as Eiji carefully wound it around Ash’s hand.

 

“Not now,  _ Hime-chan,”  _ Eiji scolded quietly, pushing her away as she swatted at the bandage. “I am trying to help Ash.”

 

She sat back, although reluctantly, and her bright green eyes followed Eiji’s movements, her pupils blown wide. Eiji recognized that look.

 

“I will play with you later,” he promised, finishing the bandage and stroking her little head with his free hand. She huffed, closing her eyes and letting herself be pet.

 

Eiji looked back at Ash. His skin didn’t look so irritated anymore, and for that, Eiji was glad. He pulled up the comforter that had been pushed to the foot of the bed and draped it carefully over Ash’s body. Almost immediately, Ash snuggled into the warmth, letting out a small sigh.

 

Again, Eiji’s heart squeezed. He wondered if he should go to the doctor.

 

He didn’t want to disturb Ash any further, and so he moved to take his hand away from Ash’s, ready to go read in the living room so that he wouldn’t wake him up, but then-

 

Ash’s hand wrapped around Eiji’s.

 

Firm, warm, calloused, bandaged.

 

Holding Eiji tight.

 

Letting out a small gasp, Eiji looked down at Ash’s face. He was still asleep, breathing slowly. But he was holding Eiji in his warm hands with the ferocity of a man awake and desperate.

 

He was holding his breath. He didn’t realize until he spoke.

 

“Ash, are you awake?”

  
  


-

  
  


_ “Ash, are you awake?”  _

 

The river was talking to him. Soft, gentle voice - the sound of water moving languidly over smooth rocks.

 

For a moment, the river had started to dry up, to leave him alone, and a fear had gripped Ash so violently that he had stumbled into the river, wading up to his knees. He had tried to hold the water, to keep it with him, but it slipped through his fingers, never straying from its course for long.

 

It was back now, back to its original level, and the water pressed up to his chest, holding him carefully. His hand curled under the water, and it felt almost like he was holding the river steady. 

 

There was no more voice coming from the river, no more soothing consonants and stumbling sounds. Ash hated the silence, wished that the river would speak again so that the sun would shine on him once more. 

 

“Stay with me,” he found himself begging - to the river, to the sun, to the blue sky surrounding him. The river surged around him, like it was taking a deep breath. “Please, stay with me.”

  
  


-

  
  


“Please, stay with me,” Ash mumbled, his voice low and light as air.

 

Eiji felt his lungs fill up with air, felt all the oxygen in the world enter his mouth. Ash was still asleep, he thought, but he was clutching Eiji’s hand, and he was so close.

 

He settled back on the bed, and he ran a shaking hand over Ash’s forehead, brushing the hair out of his face. He found himself resisting the urge to let his hand stay on Ash’s skin.

 

“I’ll stay.”

  
  


-

  
  


_ “I’ll stay,”  _ the river, the sky, the sun said, and a soft breeze caressed his forehead. He turned his face to the breeze, and he let the sunlight wash over him.

  
  


-

  
  


Eiji was laying on his side, hand still held in Ash’s. He felt drowsy, and maybe it had something to do with the afternoon sunlight laying around the room, but regardless, he felt himself surrendering to it.

 

He didn’t know what else to do but stare at Ash just as sleep started crawling through his veins. Hair as fine as silk, skin as pale as moonlight, eyelashes as golden as sunflowers.

 

When he closed his eyes, the image of sunflowers turning their faces up to the moon burned on the back of his eyelids, and he fell asleep.

  
  


-

  
  


Ash woke up slowly, dragging himself out of golden honey, and when he finally mustered up the energy to open his eyes, the first thing he saw was Banana Fish. Or rather, Banana Fish’s yellow fur.

 

This was not an altogether uncommon way for him to wake up, and so Ash just did what he normally did. He blew softly on Banana Fish’s fur until it annoyed her enough to leave. And when she did leave, the second thing that Ash saw was Eiji.

 

It’s not like Ash hadn’t noticed before.

 

But still.

 

Eiji was beautiful.

 

All sharp lines and smooth edges, as if someone had carved him out of stone and then decided to rub him soft until he was as smooth and perfect as the rocks that bounce over water. 

 

He watched Eiji breathe, feeling his heart flop over to its side when he saw the little trickle of drool coming out of Eiji’s mouth even though the rational bits of Ash’s almost-coherent coming-out-of-sleep brain said that drooling was in fact gross. 

 

His hand felt oddly heavy, and he belatedly noticed that fingers were loosely curled around Eiji’s, like they’d fallen asleep holding hands, which was-

 

Which was-

 

Ash felt like he was going mad.

 

Carefully, he extracted his hand from Eiji’s, feeling his heart beating out of his chest. Eiji frowned in his sleep, his hand reaching clumsily for the warmth of Ash. Still caught somewhere between drowsiness and panic, Ash could only watch as Banana Fish plopped herself in direct line of Eiji’s hand so that he could rest his hand on her furry tummy.

 

A strange stab of something that could’ve been jealousy shot through Ash’s chest.

 

He felt like he was going mad.

 

Banana Fish turned her green eyes on Ash, satisfied, content, gloating. Ash scowled at her, sitting up and getting off the bed, careful not to disturb Eiji. Banana Fish closed her eyes and snuggled closer to Eiji, and then peeped at Ash with one eye, as if to make sure he could see that she was doing better than him in the ‘being close to Eiji’ department.

 

Rolling his eyes, Ash went to the bathroom, turning on the tap water. He noticed a bandage that was wrapped over his injured hand, and he felt the time slow down. He turned off the water, moving through molasses, and he stared down his bandaged hand.

 

At some point after he’d fallen asleep, Eiji had bandaged his hand for him. He’d noticed. 

 

All of the sudden, all Ash could think about was the way that Eiji’s midnight hair fell over his forehead, the way his lips curved when he smiled, the way his brown eyes sparkled in the sunlight. The events of the morning were far away, as if they’d happened a millennium ago, and all there was now was Eiji, Eiji,  _ Eiji. _

 

He was definitely going mad.

 

The opening of the front door as well as the explosion of Shorter-related noises startled him out of his thoughts, and Ash quickly used his un-bandaged hand to splash water on his face to wake himself up a little more. Surely it was just his drowsiness that was making him have these thoughts. That had to be it.

 

Eiji didn’t seem to have been disturbed by the calamitous noise that Shorter was making or Alex’s tired chidings, but Ash gently shut the door to his room just in case as he headed to the living room.

 

“I’m  _ so  _ glad that little Sing’s made a new friend,” Shorter was practically shouting as he threw himself onto the couch. Alex shoved Shoter’s legs out of the way and sat down at the corner of the couch, grabbing the remote to their old T.V.

 

“You could hardly call that a friend. That kid was rude.”

 

“Eh,” Shorter said with a half-hearted shrug, “they’re all like that at first. Look at Sing now.”

 

“Sing is no less rude than he was when I first met him,” Alex grumbled, but Shorter didn’t seem to hear.

 

“Ash!” he practically shouted. “Heard that you actually went to  _ both  _ your classes today. Good for you, buddy,” he said genuinely, giving him a thumbs up.

 

He knew Shorter didn’t know and he knew he didn’t mean anything bad by saying it and that he was probably genuinely happy for Ash for going to his classes. But the reminder was like jumping into ice water compared to the honey-colored contentment Ash had been feeling before. He suddenly felt as if he might throw up.

 

“Where’s Eiji?” Alex asked, thankfully taking the topic off of classes.

 

“He fell asleep in my room,” Ash said, gesturing to his closed door. He shoved Shorter’s torso out of the way and settled into the other corner of the couch. “I didn’t want to wake him.”

 

Shorter splayed himself over the entire couch, head in Ash’s lap and legs sprawled over Alex’s, and he wiggled his eyebrows at Ash. “Are you two a  _ thing  _ now?” he asked, wiggling his fingers in time with his eyebrows.

 

Ash had one foot in ice water, the other in the warm, sun-lit river in his dreams. Both feelings combined created a nauseating concoction that overall  _ still  _ made him want to puke.

 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Ash finally managed to say, which was a lie and all three of them knew it.

 

“Well, whatever,” Shorter said, making himself more comfortable on Ash’s thigh. “Just promise to let me know when you two get together.”

 

“‘When,’” Alex scoffed under his breath, shaking his head.

 

“Oh, yeah, Shorter, I’ll  _ definitely  _ have you be the first to know about my hypothetical love life,” Ash replied sarcastically, and Shorter frowned up at him. Alex turned on the T.V., flipping through the channels and completely ignoring the other two.

 

“Why are you saying it all sarcastically?” Shorter asked. “You know you can trust me with your heart doodles and love letters written in pink glitter pen.”

 

“I have neither of those things, asshole,” Ash replied.

 

“That’s what you think, dickwad,” Shorter said back.

 

“What is that even supposed to mean?”

 

“You figure it out.”

 

Alex stopped on a channel that was playing an advertisement for Frosted Flakes. “This reminds me,” he said, serene voice absolutely terrifying. He turned to Ash and smiled. “Stop stealing my fucking Fruity Pebbles.” 

 

Fear was something Ash was accustomed to. But nothing compared to the fear he felt when Alex was mad at him.

 

_ “Oooh,”  _ Shorter cooed after a space of silence, “Ash is in  _ trou-ble.” _

 

“Shut up,” Ash hissed, flicking Shorter in the forehead. 

 

“He’s right,” Alex said, and Ash flinched. “You  _ are  _ in trouble.”

 

“I didn’t even eat that much,” Ash grumbled, and Alex slammed the remote down on the arm of the couch.

 

_ “You didn’t even eat that much?!”  _ he cried, borderline shrieking. “I had  _ one  _ serving of cereal -  _ one! -  _  and the next time I had cereal, there wasn’t even enough to fill the bowl!”

 

“Well, then eat your stupid cereal faster.”

 

“Or maybe you should  _ buy your own fucking Fruity Pebbles.” _

 

Shorter barked out a laugh. Ash rolled his eyes so violently that a sharp pain stabbed at his brain. Recovering from his colossal eye roll, Ash glanced up at the hallway that led to the bedrooms, finding Eiji holding his big camera in his hands, backpack slung over his shoulder.

 

His hair was still mussed up from sleep, and he had this smile on his lips, like he was holding back a joke, a secret, a laugh. 

 

Noticing Ash’s silence, Alex and Shorter also looked up. Shorter made a noise of exclamation, rolling off Ash and Alex’s lap to bound over to Eiji and wrap him in a bear hug. “Hey, Eiji,” he said, stepping away and grinning.

 

“Hello, Shorter,” Eiji said, laughing. “How are you?”

 

“Better now that you’re here,” he said, winking. Alex made eye contact with Ash and faked a gag. Ash blew out something that could’ve been counted as a laugh.

 

“Sorry if we woke you,” Alex said as Shorter came back to the couch and actually sat down correctly in the empty space instead of taking up as much space as possible. Ash suspected it was for EIji’s benefit.

 

“Oh, no, Ibe called to tell me that he had an idea for dinner,” Eiji said, waving his hand. He adjusted his backpack and smiled easily. “I am sorry that I cannot stay longer.”

 

He was leaving.

 

Ash’s stomach dropped.

 

“No big deal,” Alex said with a shrug, even as Eiji locked eyes with Ash and seemed to understand that it was not really ‘not a big deal.’ “You can come over whenever. God knows Shorter does.”

 

“I don’t think I like your tone,” Shorter sniffed.

 

“Have you ever considered that maybe  _ Shorter  _ was eating your cereal?” Ash asked, desperately trying to feel like himself.

 

“Bro, you  _ know  _ I’m a Reese’s Puffs kinda guy,” Shorter said, shaking his head. Alex narrowed his eyes at Ash but didn’t say anything more. Which was fine because Ash could feel the judgement anyway.

 

“Thank you for the offer,” Eiji said, bowing his head rather formally and letting go of his camera so that it dangled freely on the strap that hung from his neck. “Ash, do you mind walking me out?”

 

Ash stood up without a words as Eiji said his last goodbyes. He followed Eiji to the front entrance, where he put on his shoes. Eiji looked up at Ash with his wide, brown doe eyes. “Are you feeling better?” he asked softly, and Ash’s insides clenched. 

 

“Better than before,” he said, but he wasn’t really sure. He wouldn’t really be sure until he was alone again. With people it was easier. Alone it was suffocating.

 

“Alex and Shorter are here,” Eiji pointed out, as if somehow recognizing that Ash felt better with more people around. “And I have my phone turned on.”

 

“It’s fine-”

 

“Maybe I will want to practice more with my English,” Eiji said with an innocent shrug, finishing the laces on his shoes and standing up. “Having an audience would be nice.”

 

Pure sunlight pumped through Ash’s veins, and it felt like he had to take a full ten seconds to recover. Eiji waited for him. “I… Thank you, Eiji.”

 

Eiji smiled, as if he wasn’t doing everything right all the time. He touched light fingers to Ash’s bandaged hand, avoiding skin, and softened. “Of course, Apple Cow.”

 

Affection poured over Ash like honey. He felt like he was going mad.

 

“God, you’re the worst.”

 

He laughed, the sound of a tumbling river, and turned to leave. “Call me,” he said, and then he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST: SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING LAST WEEK I GOT REALLY BUSY FOR LIKE FOUR DAYS AND THEN NEEDED THREE DAYS TO RECOVER I FELT REALLY BAD ABOUT IT ESPECIALLY AFTER THE WAY CHAPTER 6 ENDED
> 
> now that we've got that out of the way hello and welcome to: ash and eiji are in love now but they just don't know it yet. meanwhile banana fish has made it to second base with eiji and ash is jealous
> 
> honestly this chapter was a lot of fun for me to write in an ENTIRELY different way than the last chapter was,, this one got my creative juices flowing with the interaction between dreaming ash and awake eiji and then got my dumb best friends juices flowing with ash, alex, and shorter and alex's fucking fruity pebbles. i hope the niceness and honey-colored contentment of this chapter makes up for all the dark of last chapter, especially after a week of waiting <3


	8. Burning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiji walked out of the house with his head held high. Each step was near agony, but he was fine. He had to be.
> 
> or
> 
> hello everyone and welcome to: eiji's sadness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy :)

The morning was cold and gray, the sun nowhere to be seen behind the dome of gloom hanging overhead. Eiji’s breaths pushed out of him and made mist in the gray air, and his feet pounded against the pavement in a punishing rhythm that jarred his bones. 

 

Each breath in tasted like New York - weed, cigarette smoke, and the perfumes of business men and women on their way to work twisting together into something that was almost sickening. Eiji kept going.

 

He reached the campus gym, slowing his pace and taking his school ID out of his pocket to show the front desk. He took out an earbud just in case, but the exchange was silent, and so Eiji walked from the front desk to the weights, replacing the earbud and letting the blaring music drown out his thoughts.

 

His heart was throbbing, reminding him that he was alive, and his ankle throbbed, reminding him that he’d died a few months ago.

 

Still, he pushed through his sets. Lifting weights, doing squats, laying down on the open mats and pushing his body through sit ups and twists. He was drenched in sweat, his body numb, and still he eyed the treadmills and ellipticals. When he stood up from the mat, his ankle throbbed harder, harder than his head, harder than his heart. And still, he started walking to the ellipticals, forcing his strides to be even.

 

The thing that stopped him was his phone.

 

It was ringing, and it was Ibe on the other line.

 

_ “Moshi moshi,”  _ Eiji greeted, pausing in his forced stride to give himself a break and hide his labored breathing from Ibe.

 

“I just woke up,” Ibe said, voice low, tone groggy. “Where are you?”

 

“Went for a work out,” Eiji said innocently, glancing down at his throbbing ankle.

 

“Nothing too strenuous, I’m hoping,” Ibe said, as if he was already disappointed in Eiji’s answer.

 

“Of course not,” Eiji said, lying so well that he himself started to believe it. This was just a light workout. Easy to handle. No problem.

 

“Well,” Ibe sighed, pushing static through the line, “let’s have breakfast, and then you can go with me to a shoot.”

 

“I gotta wash up first,” Eiji said, pulling his sweat soaked shirt away from his gritty skin. It felt disgusting, and he couldn’t imagine that he smelled very good, either.

 

“Okay, I’ll wait for you.”

 

After they hung up, Eiji spared one last glance to the ellipticals. And then he pushed his weight onto his throbbing ankle, ignoring the pain as he left the gym, picking up the same punishing rhythm he’d found before and going just a little bit further. Sweat beaded around his forehead and slipped into his eyes, and he convinced himself that the tears slipping over his cheeks were from that and nothing else.

 

The sky stared down at him, breathing down his neck.

  
  


-

  
  


Ash leaned his head against the wall of the community center, eyes following the yelling and bickering boys and girls as they moved back and forth over the basketball court.

 

Shorter was playing with them, but they all kept on yelling at him because he was helping  _ both  _ teams. It looked like a swarm of bees were following Shorter as he flew around the court, laughing at their angry buzzing.

 

The community center manager, Cain, was the one to force Shorter off the court. He was on a lunch break and saw the ruckus, stepping onto the court with his red lunchbox in hand and then grabbing Shorter’s shirt and hauling him off the court. Shorter hadn’t stopped laughing.

 

“You’re like a child yourself,” Cain said, pulling Shorter over to Ash and shaking his head.

 

“Yeah, that’s why they like me better,” Shorter replied as he shook himself free of Cain’s grasp and gave him a wink.

 

“Oh, is that why they were cursing you out like a bunch o’ little bitty sailors?” Cain asked, raising a thick eyebrow.

 

They bickered back and forth amicably, and Ash watched them silently. It was strange to see Cain and Shorter side by side - Shorter looked like a green bean in sunglasses next to the mountain of man that was Cain. But, to be fair,  _ everyone  _ looked like a green bean next to Cain. He was a large, objectively terrifying man that police officers often stopped to make sure he wasn’t doing something racially stereotypical, but all that was mostly just on the outside.

 

Sure, Cain could easily overpower three guys in a fair fight, but he could also care vehemently about troubled kids and referee their basketball games while he was supposed to be taking a break. Ash admired him.

 

Shorter threw himself down next to Ash on the bench he was sitting on, pushing the stray locks of his purple Mohawk back and leaning against Ash. He smelled disgusting, and the feel of his gross, sweaty body was enough for Ash to shove him away.

 

“You’re disgusting,” Ash said, and Shorter smiled. 

 

“Thanks, man.”

 

Cain settled onto the bench next to Ash and opened up his red lunchbox, pushing a pair of sunglasses over his eyes and looking over the game as he started to eat his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Ash looked at him, and then he looked at Shorter.

 

“Why are both of you wearing sunglasses when the sun’s not even out?”

 

“Style,” they responded at the exact same time, and then looked over each other and grinned. Ash shook his head, lapsing into another silence.

 

It was a peaceful enough Sunday, but there were weights on his heart and head. There was Golzine and his stupid class, and then there was Eiji and his soft voice.

 

They’d been calling each other nearly every night, talking about nothing important. Sometimes Eiji would read to him, or Ash would tell him something Alex or Shorter did, or sometimes they would just stay on the phone, not saying anything at all. The silence through the phone was somehow the most comforting of all.

 

Ash was feeling things.

 

And he really,  _ really  _ didn’t want to.

 

“What’s with the sour face, little man?” Cain asked, casting Ash a sideways glance before returning his eyes to the basketball game.

 

“I’m not making a sour face,” Ash muttered, scowling and making a sour face.

 

“Bro, you look like you just had sex with a lemon,” Shorter said.

 

_ “You  _ look like you just had sex with a lemon,” Ash retorted, scowl deepening.

 

“And what a lucky lemon it was,” Shorter said, because of course he did. Ash made a face.

 

“You’re disgusting.”

 

“So you’ve said.”

 

“Shorter being a dumbass aside,” Cain said, ignoring Shorter’s small laugh, “you’ve been pulling some long faces since you started visiting again.”

 

“Maybe my face is naturally long,” Ash said.  _ Or maybe I failed to jump off a bridge when I had the chance. _

 

Immediately after the thought crossed into his mind, he regretted it. Guilt pressed into his lungs as he thought about Griff, Alex, Shorter, Max,  _ Eiji.  _ If he’d jumped, he would’ve left his brother all alone. If he jumped, he would’ve left his best friends to pick up the pieces. If he jumped, he never would’ve met Eiji. Never would’ve felt these conflicting emotions, never would’ve felt the sun in his veins, never would’ve thought that something like that could even be possible.

 

He had a shift at the cafe in an hour, and so he got up from the bench, saying his goodbyes to Cain and Shorter. As he was walking out the front entrance, he ran into Sing, Skipper, and some boy with long hair that seemed vaguely familiar.

 

“Heya, Ash,” Skipper greeted, going in for their customary handshake that included a variety of fistbumps and a fake explosion of their fingers. “Where you headed off to?”

 

“Work,” Ash said with a shrug. He nodded to Sing, who scowled at him, and then turned to the new kid. “Who’re you?”

 

“None of your business,” the snot-nosed kid said, sticking his chin up in the air. 

 

“His name is Yut-Lung,” Skip said. “He’s one of Sing’s new buds, and he ain’t all bad.”

 

“Pleasure,” Ash said with a scowl as the kid sniffed and turned his face away. “I see him and Sing have one thing in common.”

 

“Are you referencing the fact that I don’t like you?” Sing asked, feigning innocence.

 

“You know me so well,” Ash said with fake sincerity. He turned back to Skip. “Drop by the cafe when you can. You -  _ and you only -  _ get a discount.” He threw a semi-playful glare of disdain to the two boys who disliked him with a vehemence that only teenagers could muster.

 

“I know you’re only playing, Ash, but  _ damn  _ you’re cold,” Skip said with a low whistle. 

 

“Watch your language, young man,” Ash said, pointing a finger at Skip’s chest. 

 

“You got it, old man.”

 

Ash shook his head, walking past the group of youngsters and starting the path back to the apartment. The kids were fun to tease, but they always gave him this dizzying sensation of being far older than them, although he was really only older than them by a couple years. 

 

The sky hung low over his shoulders, and as he walked, it was difficult not to breathe in the weight. There was something awful hanging in the air, and it wasn’t New York’s regular stench of weed and cigarette smoke and the sewers. Ash kept walking, wondering why dread pooled in his stomach.

  
  


-

  
  


Eiji pulled on his work slacks, wincing when he had to put pressure on his foot. He’d spent the morning walking around the city with Ibe to take photographs of the homeless population for the article he was writing, and it hadn’t done good for him, especially after his brutal workout in the morning.

 

He hadn’t wanted to look at it, but he was fairly certain it was swollen. 

 

He finished getting ready, putting on a brave face and walking evenly out of his room and past Griffin, Max, and Ibe. “I’m on my way to work,” he said, pausing for only a moment.

 

“You alright?” Griffin asked, concern coloring his voice. “You’re looking a little pale.”

 

“He is right, Eiji,” Ibe said, tilting his head to the side. “You did not look very well in the morning, either.”

 

That was because he had tried so very hard to conceal his pain from Ibe. The more they’d walked, the more it hurt, but he refused to show anyone that he was hurting. He didn’t want their pity.

 

“Perhaps I am just tired,” Eiji said with a small shrug, smiling placidly.

 

“If you’re feeling bad, I’m sure Nadia wouldn’t mind if you took off for the night,” Max suggested, but Eiji shook his head. He couldn’t back down. Not now, not ever.

 

“No, I am fine,” he said, waving them off. “I will be home later.”

 

The three men waved him goodbye somewhat worriedly, and Eiji walked out of the house with his head held high. Each step was near agony, but he was fine. He had to be.

  
  


-

  
  


Ash checked in with Nadia when he arrived at work, and then he grabbed his apron from the back of the kitchen. The back door opened, and Eiji walked in, face pale, skin gently glimmering with sweat. There was something off about the way he was walking, but Ash couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He frowned as Eiji walked slowly over to the apron rack,

 

“Hey,” he said, and Eiji looked up from the floor, as if just now noticing him.

 

“Hello, Ash,” he said, smiling. It didn’t quite reach his eyes. “How are you today?”

 

“Good enough,” he said with a shrug. He looked over Eiji again, watched his hands shake as he tied the strings of the apron around his waist. “You?”

 

“I am managing,” he said with a forced smile, and then he walked to the front area, tagging out one of the other college students that worked as a server at the cafe.

 

It was difficult for Ash to keep his eyes off Eiji during their shift. There was definitely something wrong with him. He wasn’t as radiant as usual, and his steps were slow and careful, as if he was going through great pains to try an conceal something. Some of the regular customers seemed to notice, and they shared Ash’s worried frowns and concerned stares. Also like Ash, they didn’t seem to say anything about it.

 

As they were passing each other, Ash gently took hold of Eiji’s sleeve. Eiji came to a halt and breathed out a sigh, as if the sudden stillness was a relief. “What are you doing after we get off?” he asked lowly.

 

Eiji blinked at him. “Nothing.”

 

“Good,” Ash said, breathing out a sigh of relief of his own. “I’m coming with you.”

 

“But I just said-”

 

“I know.”

 

He let go of Eiji’s sleeve, continuing with the shift. He glanced at the clock hanging over the front counter where Nadia stood. Two hours left. When he looked back to Eiji, he was obviously limping now, his expression strained. He hoped Eiji made it that far.

  
  


-

  
  


His ankle was swollen. He knew it. He could feel it. The throbbing was more searing, more red and angry beneath his skin, and it was an effort not to let himself sit down at the empty booths or smash one of the dainty glasses in his frustration with his own body. Even now, soreness from his workout in the morning were creeping into his muscles, which would’ve been fine, even welcome, if it wasn’t paired with the heat in his ankle.

 

When it was finally, blessedly time for his shift to end, Eiji couldn’t get out fast enough. He nearly tore off his apron and burst out into the night air, sucking in the icy hot night air. Nadia walked out after him, sticking a cigarette between her lips and leaning against the wall. She struck her lighter and brought the tiny flame up to her mouth, lighting the cigarette and taking a deep breath. Eiji watched her, watched her smooth, ageless face as it stared out at the night life, lit by the glow of her cigarette.

 

She was silent for a moment, and then she blew out a breath, releasing a steady stream of acrid smoke that curled gently through the air. “You’re taking tomorrow off.”

 

“I am fi-”

 

“No,” she interrupted, shaking her head. “Don’t lie to me like that. You’re taking tomorrow off so that you can rest, or do whatever it is you need to do so that you don’t have another day like today.”

 

A black feeling crept through Eiji’s lungs, and he found it difficult to breathe as he stared down at the grimy pavement.

 

Nadia sighed, placing a light hand on his shoulder. “Eiji, I’m not looking down on you. I’m only trying to look out for my worker. I need you at your best.”

 

“I understand,” Eiji said, head sinking lower.

 

“Ash said he was going to walk you home,” she said, taking a last drag of her cigarette and then flicking it to the ground. She snubbed it with the toe of her shoe, and then bent down and picked up the butt of it with the tips of her fingers and nodded to him. “Goodnight, Eiji. Call me if you decide to take another day.”

 

He nodded, hating the way his ankle was still screaming red. 

 

As promised, Ash came out a moment later, looking over to Eiji. He saw him chew on his words for a moment, and Eiji squeezed his eyes shut. Of all the people that Eiji didn’t want pity from, Ash was high on the list. 

 

But Ash just dug his hands in his pockets and stuck his chin up. “You look like shit.”

 

The statement was so unexpected that it forced a laugh out of Eiji’s tired lungs, startling him enough to laugh again. “Yes,” Eiji finally said, nodding a little. “I do not doubt it.”

 

Ash nodded, and then he placed his arm carefully around Eiji’s shoulders. Eiji was reminded suddenly of Shorter and his tendency to do the exact same thing, but the way that Ash did it was so much more… So much more  _ something.  _ He did it so carefully that Eiji could feel the weight and warmth of Ash’s arm seep into him. It was so deliberate. So intimate.

 

“Lean on me,” Ash said, and Eiji looked up at him. He was so much closer than he’d ever been. He could see each of Ash’s individual golden eyelashes. The brilliance of his green eyes. Ash looked down at him when he didn’t do what he’d said, and then their noses were centimeters apart. The air between them was warm with their shared breaths. “We’re close friends,” Ash said slowly, deliberately, “and we’re leaning against each other.”

 

The blackness in Eiji’s lungs climbed up his throat, and he just had to look away. He wrapped his arm around Ash’s waist - strangely more delicate than Eiji would’ve expected - and they started to walk. Eiji leaned on him.

 

They leaned on each other.

  
  


-

  
  


Ash would’ve been lying if he said that being so close to Eiji didn’t affect him. His heart was beating far faster than what he figured was normal, and he was acutely aware of Eiji’s light hand pressing warmth into his side. But he didn’t dwell on those things. He focused on getting Eiji home.

 

They arrived at Ash’s old house and Eiji’s new one, and they carefully maneuvered their way inside. All the lights were off, and the only sound was the hum of the ice machine and the the subdued tones of the T.V. droning on. Blue light washed over the darkness of the living room, revealing Griff and Max, asleep on the couch and leaning against each other.

 

“I need to tell Ibe that I am home,” Eiji whispered as they paused to take off their shoes.

 

“I’ll tell him for you. Let’s just get upstairs.” Eiji’s lips tightened, but he didn’t say anything in reply, and so they went upstairs. 

 

It was slow-going work. Eiji was obviously exhausted from whatever it was that was paining him, and each step with his right foot seemed to force him to wait minimum five seconds before they continued. Finally, they were in Eiji’s room - Ash’s old room - and Ash deposited Eiji on the neatly made bed.

 

Eiji breathed out a long sigh through pursed lips, closing his eyes. When he opened them again, he looked down at his right ankle, fists clenching into the sheets. Ash knelt down, rolling up Eiji’s slacks.

 

His ankle was swollen to at least twice its size, and it was an angry shade of red that screamed agony. Ash felt a stab of pain through his heart, and he looked up at Eiji. He was pointedly not looking at Ash, gaze turned to the pictures hung up on the wall rather than his ankle or anything relating to it.

 

“I’ll grab an ice pack,” Ash said, standing up. “And I’ll make sure to tell Ibe that you’re here.”

 

“Okay,” Eiji said, voice barely above a whisper.

 

Ash made his way back down the stairs. He went to the guest bedroom and found Ibe asleep at his desk, a pair of reading glasses pushed up onto his forehead as he snored lightly. As Ash tapped him awake, he groaned quietly, muttering something in Japanese, and then his eyes squinted open. He rubbed his eyes and frowned at Ash. “Griffin’s little brother?” he asked, voice rough with sleep. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I helped Eiji home. He wanted me to tell you that he made it back safely.”

 

Relief seemed to relax the Japanese man, and Ibe pushed himself away from the desk. “Thank you very much, Ash. I apologize if he troubled you.”

 

“He didn’t,” Ash said, and Ibe nodded, standing up and stretching. “Goodnight, Ibe.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

Ash left the guest room, creeping back through the living room to get to the kitchen. He opened up the freezer and pulled out one of the ice packs that Griff kept, and then he started to walk back up the stairs. 

 

He paused, looking back to Griff and Max. He couldn’t imagine leaving Eiji like this, and so he went back down the stairs to shake his brother awake.

 

Griff slapped his hand away, groaning deep in his chest. “Getoffme,” he mumbled, and Ash flicked him hard in the shoulder.

 

“Wake up, dust-brain,” he whispered, careful not to disturb Max. Griff cracked his eyes open.

 

“AJ?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.

 

“I told you to stop calling me that,” Ash grumbled, holding the ice pack behind his back so that Griff wouldn’t see. Something told him that Eiji wouldn’t like it if anybody knew how bad his ankle was.

 

“You’re home,” Griff said, awake now, and he started to get up. Ash held a hand to a shoulder to keep him from getting up and waking up Max. Griff furrowed his eyebrows, and then realized what Ash was doing, settling back into his position on the couch. “What’s up?”

 

“Walked Eiji here,” Ash said truthfully. “Is it okay if I stay the night?”

 

“Of course,” Griff said immediately - so quickly that it made Ash’s heart burn with appreciation. “Ibe’s taken up the guest bedroom, and Max and I are currently occupying the couch, but-”

 

“I can just sleep in my old room,” Ash said with a nonchalant shrug.

 

“With Eiji?” Griff narrowed his eyes.

 

“We’re friends,” Ash said indignantly, looking away.

 

“Hm,” Griff hummed, narrowing his eyes even further.

 

“Don’t think so hard, dust-brain. You’ll pull a muscle.”

 

“Alright boy genius,” Griff relented, holding his hands up. “Just make sure Eiji’s okay with it.”

 

“Of course.” Ash turned back to the stairs, shifting the hand that was holding the ice pack so that it would still be out of Griff’s point of view.

 

“See you in the morning, AJ,” Griff said, and Ash felt a painful nostalgia overtake him.

 

“G’night, Griff,” he said back, and he left before he could dwell any more on the past.

 

Eiji had changed into a soft sleep shirt and a pair of fuzzy pajama pants and was sitting on the bed fiddling with his thumbs when Ash entered the room. He looked up, expression full of guilt. 

 

Before he could say anything, Ash handed him the ice pack. “I told Ibe that you’re home, and I’m staying the night. Do you know where my old clothes are?”

 

“Griffin put them in a box at the back of the closet,” Eiji said, pointing to the closet door. He took one of the extra pillows on the bed and propped his foot up with it, laying the ice pack over his ankle. 

 

Ash opened up the closet and rummaged around for the right box. There were several other boxes of things, and Ash noticed a shoebox he didn’t recognize that was unexpectedly light and was labeled in Japanese character symbols. When he picked it up, there was the soft slide of paper inside it. He frowned, moving it to the side and finding the box that he was looking for, labelled ‘AJ’s old things.’ He grabbed an old shirt from some mini-vacation he and Griff took years ago to Coney Island and a pair of flannel pajama pants that had several holes in them. 

 

“I’ll be right back,” he said, taking the clothes in his hands and going to the restroom to change quickly before returning and dumping his work clothes in a pile by the door so that he wouldn’t forget them in the morning. He pulled out his phone and sent a text to Alex saying that he wouldn’t be coming home, and then he turned to Eiji, who was taking the ice pack off his ankle. Ash took it and went back to the bathroom, putting it in the sink, and then he returned to bedroom. 

 

Now for the part he was avoiding. 

 

“I can sleep on the floor,” he started to say, but Eiji was already shaking his head before Ash had even finished.

 

“I could not possibly let you do that when this is your bed.” Ash looked pointedly at Eiji’s propped up foot. Eiji stuck his chin out. “There is enough room for both of us.”

 

He was right. The bed was queen-sized and could comfortably fit both of them. Of course, they would be a little close, but still. Eiji scooted over on the bed, getting underneath the blankets and making sure that his foot was still propped up by the pillow.

 

Well, Ash didn’t really have a choice now, did he?

 

“I’ll turn off the lights,” he said, because it would be less embarrassing to get into a bed with Eiji if he couldn’t see him, and Eiji nodded. Ash turned out the lines, and then promptly stubbed his toe hard against the frame of the bed, letting out a soft curse.

 

“You stubbed your toe,” Eiji said from the darkness, and Ash could hear the faint smile in his voice.

 

“Shut up,” he said, but he didn’t mean it. He wanted Eiji to keep talking forever. He climbed under the blankets and turned on his side so that he was facing away from Eiji. The darkness held its breath. “You’re okay without the ice pack?” Ash asked to the wall he was facing.

 

“Yes,” Eiji whispered, voice strangely soft.

 

A breath of silence. Ash felt Eiji thinking.

 

“I am sorry,” he said to the darkness, to Ash.

 

Ash turned so that he was facing Eiji. The moonlight from outside filtered through the blinds just enough for Ash to see Eiji turn his face to him. He was beautiful now, even in this low light. The little moonlight that did make it through to the darkness of the room seemed to gather on the curve of Eiji’s cheek and the depths of his dark eyes, wide and sorrowful as they gazed at Ash.

 

“Don’t be,” Ash said, his voice barely above a whisper. “There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.”

 

Eiji stared at him, deep in his thoughts. “Okay,” he finally said, nodding slightly.

 

“Goodnight,” Ash said, but he didn’t make any move to get more comfortable or take his eyes off Eiji.

 

“Goodnight,” Eiji responded, but he too kept his eyes on Ash, making no moves to surrender to sleep.

 

A confusing warmth grew in Ash’s stomach as he stared at the beauty of Eiji, and suddenly all he wanted to do was touch. Touch that perfectly shaped face, touch those smooth lips, touch that silken hair. It was too much.

 

He closed his eyes and pretended that he had gone to sleep. But still, he felt Eiji’s eyes on him, sparking, kindling, burning. 

 

Burning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy saturday everyone writing eiji being stubborn and sad was very fun
> 
> FYI: ive done it before, but i feel like i should mention that any time eiji and ibe are talking alone, they're talking in japanese, which is why their speaking becomes more relaxed - as in, more contractions and a more conversational way of speaking. when talking to/around any of the other characters, they talk in english, which is why their speaking is a little more rigid 
> 
> all the small bits that describe how ny smells is,, quite accurate,,, im not from ny (im from the yeehaw state) but i remember visiting last year as a school trip and just being OVERWHELMED by the absolute STENCH of the place. sometimes it wasn't that awful, but other times i was like WOW everyone here just smokes cigarettes and weed. the trip was fun but still the thing i remember the most is the smell
> 
> anyways i FINALLY finished Song of Achilles (did i mention that here?) after avoiding it for WEEKS because i knew it would make me sad and guess what??? i sobbed my eyes out for, like, 30 pages. i also started and finished King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo (the fiction queen of YA) and if any of you have read it, you might recognize the lemon bit from this chapter from there. im a simple girl with simple humor. also i miss nikolai and zoya and nina,, and ISAAK,,,,,, also in case you were wondering i also cried for that, too
> 
> also i started the great british baking show and it's so sweet and calming,, nothing like american baking competitions which are just full of RAGE and STRESS
> 
> i hope y'all liked ash bein soft


	9. Chocolate Chip Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, let me,” Ash said as he stood up, and Eiji raised his eyebrows at him.
> 
> “I do not trust you around the oven.”
> 
> or
> 
> chocolate chip cookies are made, and a small discussion occurs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy :)

Eiji woke slowly, sunlight tickling his nose as his brain struggled to accept the fact that he was waking up. He became aware of a smell vaguely breakfast-like, drifting through the room from downstairs, greasy and undeniably American, and then he became aware of his body, the stiffness of his muscles and the dull ache of his ankle, worse than most mornings.

 

_ Ah, that’s because of yesterday. _

 

The memory of yesterday made a small groan escape from his throat, and he opened his eyes a little begrudgingly, bringing up his hands to wipe away the sleep. It was only when he sat up did he realize that someone was sleeping next to him, tightly bundled up in the blankets that now only covered half of Eiji’s body. This someone was Ash, only a small golden tuft of hair sticking out from the blankets to tell that the lump of blankets was human rather than cloth.

 

A strange warm feeling fluttered through Eiji’s veins at the sight of Ash, and he frowned. What was that even about?

 

The clock on the nightstand said that it was just after nine in the morning, and for a moment, Eiji panicked because he was supposed to be at work at seven thirty. But then he remembered that Nadia had given him the day off.

 

Because of his ankle.

 

Because of his stupid ankle.

 

The door to the bedroom pushed open, and there stood Griffin, still wearing his pajamas. When he saw Eiji sitting up, he smiled. “Oh, hey, I didn’t think you’d be awake.”

 

“It is not too early,” Eiji said with a shrug. He normally woke up around this time everyday, unless he stayed up particularly late or needed to get up earlier for whatever reason. “Ash is still asleep, though.”

 

“Of course he is,” Griffin said, not even bothering to speak quieter in respect for his sleeping brother. “That kid doesn’t get up until three in the afternoon if he can help it.”

 

Eiji looked over at Ash, completely swaddled in the blankets. He did look like he was in some sort of cocoon. Like a butterfly waiting to be born. A butterfly that wouldn’t emerge until late in the afternoon.

 

“Should we wake him?” Eiji asked.

 

“Well, yes,” Griffin said, “but I don’t think  _ you  _ should.”

 

“Why not?”

 

Griffin motioned for Eiji to get out of the bed, and so Eiji did, still very confused. “Waking A.J. up is an art,” he said as he walked into the room to stand beside the still-sleeping Ash, “and no one’s ever mastered it. Not even him.”

 

Eiji frowned. “What does that mean?”

 

“It means that shaking gently doesn’t do jack shit,” Griffin said, nudging the blanket bundle softly to prove his point. “And shaking roughly does about the same.” After saying this, he put both of his hands on the blanket bundle, and shoved at Ash, who simply rolled limply around, still hardly visible beneath his mountain of blankets.

 

“So what  _ does _ work?” Eiji asked as Griffin continued rolling Ash around, seemingly for the pure amusement of it.

 

“This,” Griffin said, and then he ripped the blankets off of Ash with one swift move, shoving Ash with one powerful elbow, and then dancing away when Ash jolted awake, a rather colorful string of curses on his lips.

 

“Griff, I swear to  _ fuck,”  _ Ash hissed after his first initial curses, grabbing his pillow and smacking it against Griffin’s head.

 

“Morning, sunshine,” Griffin said with a laugh as Ash managed to kick him straight in the ribs. 

 

“You’re the fucking worst, and I hate you.”

 

“Love you, too,” Griff replied, winking at Eiji as he turned to leave. “Breakfast is ready.”

 

“Shove the breakfast straight up your stupid ass,” Ash replied, sticking his middle finger up at Griffin’s retreating figure.

 

“Sorry, but it only goes out that way,” Griffin called back and Ash practically retched, grabbing the pillow that Eiji had been using during the night to throw after Griffin as he was walking down the stairs. 

 

It hit Griffin straight in the back of the head, and Ash grinned wildly in triumph. Eiji’s stomach did a weird little dance, even as Ash shouted “fucking disgusting old man” at Griffin.

 

After Griffin’s laughter faded, Ash seemed to notice Eiji for the first time since waking up, his pale cheeks coloring slightly. Eiji found himself smiling. “I see you are quite the morning person.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“You first,” Eiji said, and Ash grabbed the last pillow from the bed, the one Eiji had been using for his ankle, and held it up threateningly.

 

“Don’t make me use this,” he said, and Eiji sighed dramatically, shaking his head.

 

“Americans,” he said, clicking his tongue and leaving the room, “always so violent.”

 

When Eiji looked back, Ash was rolling his eyes, but he was smiling. Involuntarily, Eiji’s own lips twitched up into a smile, and he felt that strange fluttering sensation crawl through his stomach again. 

 

_ Strange. _

  
  


-

  
  


“Do you have everything, darling?” Griff asked Max, twirling his car keys in his hand.

 

Max patted his pockets, nodding. “Yeah, I think so.”

 

Ash looked over at Max’s wallet, which was sitting on the table next to his plate of pancakes and bacon. He wondered if he’d notice.

 

“Phone?” Griff asked, and Max nodded, pulling it out of his pocket. “Wallet?”

 

“Ah,” Max said when he failed to find his wallet on his person. “I could’ve sworn I put in my pocket.”

 

Griff’s expression softened disgustingly. “It’s on the table.” He’d seen it the entire time. Ash just knew it.

 

“Honestly, I’d lose my head if it wasn’t for you,” Max said, grabbing his wallet and stuffing it in his pocket. He leaned in and gave Griff a quick kiss on the temple, and Ash made a loud noise of disgust which was almost entirely fake.

 

“P.D.A in the morning is against the rules,” Ash said, and Max rolled his eyes.

 

“That means it’s allowed at night,” Griff fake whispered to Eiji, who was innocently eating his whipped cream and strawberry covered pancakes. An awful snort escaped Eiji’s mouth, and Ash hated how adorable he thought it was.

 

“No!” he protested, pointing his fork at Max and Griff. “Not allowed ever.”

 

“Whatever, megamind,” Griff said, proceeding to the front door and purposefully and grabbing Max’s hand. “We’ll be back with Michael in a couple of hours.”

 

Ibe emerged from the guest bedroom, stuffing papers and files into his bag. “Ah, can I get a ride to the magazine office?” 

 

“For sure,” Griff replied, patting him hard on the back. Ibe, to his credit, didn’t stumble.

 

“It’s up to you to hold down the fort,” Max said as the three men started toward the front door,  _ “Eiji.” _

 

After they’d gone, Eiji grinned over at Ash. “They trust me more than you.”

 

“He’s saying that just to spite me,” Ash grumbled, shovelling the rest of his breakfast into his mouth.

 

“You should keep on telling yourself that,” Eiji said, nodding seriously. “It will help with your self confidence.”

 

“Whatever.” He got up from the table, washing off his plate and fork and then putting them on the countertop to deal with later. “Are you planning on going anywhere today?”

 

“Well, Max  _ did  _ ask me to hold down the fort,” Eiji said with an innocent shrug. Ash rolled his eyes. “But I do not think it would be good for me to be very active today,” he added on a little more quietly, gesturing to his ankle. It looked better from the night before, not so angry and red, but it did look sort of swollen. Before Ash could say anything about it, Eiji smiled brightly, crushing the heavy weight of the matter within a second. “And besides, I wanted to make some cookies for Max’s son to have when he comes.”

 

“You know Max will end up eating most of them, right?” Ash asked.

 

“That is if Ibe does not get to them first,” Eiji said with a laugh, finishing off his breakfast. “But I plan on hiding some so that Michael can get his share.”

 

“Is there even anything here to make cookies?” Ash asked. Sure, Max and Griff could both cook, but a lot of the time, they just didn’t have the time to. The last time Ash had been over, their fridge had been full of takeout leftovers, with only a few other things beside that. Their pantry had been a mess of canned foods that had been there for years and snack foods. 

 

“Yes,” Eiji said with a nod, getting up from the table and grabbing his plate. “I went to the store the other day and bought the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies.” Ash took his plate from him and rinsed it out in the sink while Eiji went to the pantry and the fridge, gathering all the ingredients in his arms before setting them on the counter. “See?”

 

“I see,” Ash said, looking at all the ingredients for homemade chocolate chip cookies. If it was up to Ash, he would’ve bought the premade dough. Less room for error. “I would offer to help, but-”

 

“Oh, no,” Eiji interrupted, shaking his head. “Griffin has told me many stories of you almost burning the house down trying to cook or bake anything.”

 

“And a very big number of those stories are true,” Ash admitted with a shrug.

 

“Thank you for offering anyway,” Eiji said, smiling at Ash as he pushed his sleeves up. Ash’s heart leapt.

 

“I”m gonna,” Ash started, turning around and panicking a little because he was feeling a lot, “I’m gonna go do something.”

 

“Okay,” Eiji said, perfectly nice, and he turned to the chocolate chip bag where the recipe for the cookies was printed on the back of.

 

Ash practically scuttled away, mentally berating himself for being such an idiot. He grabbed the newspaper that Max had folded neatly on the countertop as well as Griff’s reading glasses on the kitchen table, since he had left his own at his apartment. He sat down at the table, putting on the glasses and unfolding the newspaper. But he kept on looking at Eiji.

 

He was definitely walking better than he had been yesterday, although he definitely seemed to favor his left leg over his right. He was humming gently as he got out the measuring cups and mixing bowls, leaning down to read the recipe. He looked up at Ash, and Ash quickly looked away, pretending that he had been looking at the newspaper the entire time.

 

“I did not know that you wore glasses,” Eiji said, and Ash shrugged.

 

“I only wear them when I need to. And these are Griff’s.”

 

Eiji hummed in response, returning to his work. Ash wondered what that was supposed to mean. He wondered if Griff’s glasses looked okay on him. He wondered why he was wondering that.

 

“Could you lend me those glasses?” Eiji asked, and Ash startled.

 

“You wear glasses, too?”

 

“No, I do not need them.”

 

Ash raised his eyebrows, getting up from the kitchen table and handing Eiji Griff’s black-rimmed reading glasses. Eiji took them and placed them on his own nose, looking down at the small print of the recipe on the bag and muttering the measurements to himself.

 

“Could you not read it before?” Ash asked.

 

“No,” Eiji replied, his thin finger trailing over the words as he read them. “They are too small.”

 

“Doesn’t that mean you need glasses?”

 

“No.”

 

“Because that makes sense.”

 

Eiji looked up, squinting at Ash from behind the glasses. He looked different with them on, more mature, more angular, and Ash realized that his heart was having quite a difficulty dealing with this fact. “You are very annoying now,” Eiji said frankly, breaking Ash out of his trance. “Go back to reading the newspaper like an old man.”

 

“I can’t read it without the glasses.”

 

“Blind old man,” Eiji said, shooing him back to the kitchen table. “I will give them back when I am done.”

 

It took Eiji gently pushing Ash down for him to actually sit down, and Ash couldn’t help but breathe a little faster when he had to look up at Eiji to make eye contact with him. His shoulders burned where Eiji had touched them. “What am I supposed to do until you’re done?”

 

“Be patient,” Eiji replied, winking and then turning back to the ingredients.

 

_ Oh, God,  _ Ash thought as he stared after Eiji.  _ Oh, God. _

  
  


-

  
  


After Eiji managed to all the correctly measured ingredients into the mixing bowl, he took off Griffin’s glasses and went over to Ash, who was sitting languidly at the kitchen table, staring straight at him. For some reason, this caused Eiji’s heart to do a strange jump, but he ignored it, placing the glasses on Ash’s nose and pushing them up for him. “Done,” he said, and Ash stared up at him, a strange look on his face.

 

He returned to the cookies, mixing it all up and then carefully placing even-sized dollops of dough on the parchment paper-covered cookie sheets. After they were in the oven and the timer for 10 minutes was on, Eiji sighed, going over to the couch and plopping down. His ankle was throbbing slightly, annoyingly, and he probably needed to prop it up again so as not to do it any more damage after yesterday.

 

Ash came over to the couch, looking over Eiji’s liquid form. “Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah,” Eiji responded with a shrug.

 

“Do you need an ice pack?”

 

He bit his lip. “Yeah.”

 

While Ash went to go fetch the ice pack, Eiji placed a throw pillow on the coffee table and propped his foot up on top of it. When Ash came back, he carefully laid the ice pack over Eiji’s ankle, and then sat down beside him.

 

For a moment, neither of them spoke, and then Ash turned his body so that he was facing Eiji completely, tucking his foot up on the couch. Eiji looked over at him, raising his eyebrows. He was still wearing Griffin’s glasses, and he looked softer in a way that he didn’t normally, especially when he furrowed his eyebrows and dropped his gaze down to his lap.

 

“Can I ask what happened?” he asked, his voice soft and hesitant.

 

Eiji chewed on the inside of his cheek. “You could.”

 

“And would you be willing to tell me?”

 

Grabbing the other throw pillow on the couch, Eiji hugged it close to his chest, looking away from Ash. “I think so.”

 

“You don’t have to.”

 

“I know.” There was a pause, and Eiji looked over at Ash again. “You can ask.”

 

“What happened to your ankle, Eiji?” Ash asked, and Eiji blew out a breath. It’s not like the whole thing was a secret. It was just embarrassing.

 

“I am a pole vaulter,” Eiji said, and then winced. Still so new, after all this time. “Was a pole vaulter,” he corrected, and he saw Ash’s eyes turn sad. “A few months ago I was having a rough day, and I was distracted, and I…”

 

It was June of last year, the summer sun burning into his back. He had just had another argument with his mom about something - he couldn’t even remember now. Not that it mattered much. The weight of her anger was as heavy as the sun, and he couldn’t escape it, not even when he started to run. And then his pole hit the ground with the force of his own anger, with the force of his own frustration, and then he was flying. For 2.5 seconds, he was weightless. For 2.5 seconds, he was one with the sky. For 2.5 seconds, he flew for the last time.

 

“I hit the ground wrong,” Eiji finished, tucking his chin into the throw pillow. “It twisted my ankle around wrong, very wrong, and it just sort of… snapped.”

 

He could hear the sound now, of his ankle breaking, of his future disappearing.

 

“Doctors told me that rigorous exercise was out of the question for the rest of my life.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “That includes pole vaulting, of course.” He breathed out a shaky breath, chewing on his bottom lip to try and steady himself. “I only got out of the cast a couple of weeks ago, and it is hard to… it is frustrating to…”

 

His university had given him an athletic scholarship. He hadn’t even thought about a future without vaulting. He didn’t think he needed to. But in under a second, it was all gone. 

 

All gone.

 

“My coach used to call the other pole vaulters and I flyboys,” he continued after his lip started to tremble. “Because that is what it was like. Flying.” A hot tear rolled down his cheek, and Eiji sniffed, swiping it away. “And now I will never fly again.”

 

“You overworked yourself yesterday,” Ash said, voice quiet as he spoke for the first time since Eiji had started.

 

“Yes,” Eiji said, looking over at Ash and nodding. “My entire life, it has been taught to me that I can succeed if I just push hard enough. Even though I know that I will not succeed here, I can not just…” He trailed off, shaking his head and looking away. “It is so frustrating.”

 

“I understand,” Ash said, placing a hesitant hand on Eiji’s thigh in a show of comfort, and Eiji met his gaze. “But overworking yourself only hurts you more.”

 

“Logically I know that,” Eiji said, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes to push back the rest of his tears. “It is just hard to stop, especially when I am not having a good day.”

 

“And yesterday wasn’t a good day?”

 

Eiji managed to smile a little, taking his hands away from his eyes so that he could meet Ash’s gaze. “It got better at the end.”

 

Ash didn’t seem to know how to respond to that, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. Eiji felt butterflies run through his veins, settling in his stomach, and before either of them could say anything else, the timer for the cookies went of.

 

“Oh,” Eiji said, taking off the ice pack from his ankle and standing up. “I have to get those.”

 

“No, let me,” Ash said as he stood up, and Eiji raised his eyebrows at him.

 

“I do not trust you around the oven.”

 

“I’m not even that bad,” he said, rolling his eyes as he followed Eiji into the kitchen.

 

“I do not want to test it,” Eiji responded, grabbing the oven mitts and then taking out the trays of fresh baked cookies. He placed them on the counter top so that they could cool down, and then he shut the oven, turning off the timer. He looked over at the tray, taking off the oven mitts. “They will be cool by the time Michael gets here.”

 

Ash looked at them, too. “I want one now.”

 

“No.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“They are too hot, stupid.”

 

“Who’s stupid?” Ash asked, snatching up a cookie and then wincing as the cookie burned his fingers.

 

“You are,” Eiji answered, not able to stop the laugh that bubbled up from his insides. Ash made a face, but he put the cookie down and then went to run cold water over his fingertips. Eiji laughed again.

 

He felt strangely content, and strangely warm. He wondered what this feeling was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay first i'm truly sorry that i didn't update last week,, i've had a rough couple of weeks mentally, and i've also been falling behind on my miraculous ladybug fic (bone tea), and so i've been focusing a lot of my energy on that since it's more of a priority to me than this fic,, this is a for fun fic that makes me warm and fuzzy, bone tea is the Serious Business fic that makes me happy in a different way, ya feel?
> 
> anyway, considering school is a lot and i still have a lot of bone tea to do, i'm changing my update schedule to every other week. that just means that i can chill out a little more, and y'all might have to wait a little longer, but i hope the chapters will make up for it :)
> 
> as for life, I GOT ACCEPTED INTO MY CHOICE UNIVERSITY AAKJHDKJHFDK i found out last night and, like, lost my brains for a second im so excited akrjgh
> 
> anyway, thank you all for being patient with me, and i hope this chapter treated you well <3

**Author's Note:**

> WELL. HERE WE ARE.
> 
> i know i said i wouldn't start anything until i finished something else however bf's finale beat me to the punch. a great number of people are sad (including me), and we need something good right now,, so here we are,, granted this doesn't seem so happy right now, but i've put in the tags AND the title that there'll be a happy ending, so you just have to trust me
> 
> idk when updates will be, considering i don't have any chapters pre-written, but i'll try and get them out every friday/saturday
> 
> come see me on my twitter @wkwrdnrtrtl to cry about the banana boys with me


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